Grieving New Mom Called ‘Selfish’ For Heavily Relying On Her Parents After The Loss Of Her Husband — ‘The Grief Has Been Overwhelming’
Her family members think it's time for her to move on, but grief has no expiration date.
Lopolo | Shutterstock Everyone will experience grief at some point in their lives. It is a universal human emotion. As universal as the experience, we all handle grief differently, however.
One woman found herself having a particularly hard time after she lost her husband and welcomed new life into the world within short order. In order to cope, she turned to her parents for help, but others have since been critical, saying it's time to move on.
A mom who lost her husband and welcomed a new baby around the same time wondered if she had become too dependent on her parents.
A grieving 28-year-old woman shared on Reddit that her husband passed away last year following a workplace accident. At the time, she was eight months pregnant.
“The grief has been overwhelming, and I haven’t been able to manage things on my own since his death,” she admitted.
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Understandably, the woman felt like she needed extra support during this time. “After the accident, I moved in with my parents because I couldn’t handle being in our home without him,” she said.
She continued, “My daughter is now nine months old, and my parents have been my main source of support, helping me with everything — from taking care of my daughter to handling finances. They’ve been amazing, but I know I’m leaning heavily on them.”
While the arrangement seemed to be working fine for the grieving mom and her parents, other family members had their doubts.
“Recently, my family members have started to express concerns, saying I need to start getting my life together for my daughter’s sake,” she shared. “They think I’ve been relying on my parents too much and that it’s time for me to move back into my own place and take on more responsibility.”
“My brother, in particular, has said that it’s selfish of me to continue living with my parents and not to be making any real efforts to move forward after almost a year,” she stated.
The woman admitted she’s done very little but really feels like she is doing the best she can right now.
“I haven’t gone back to work yet, and I haven’t started grief counseling, which they’ve been pushing me to do,” she said. “But I’m still struggling with the thought of managing everything on my own. The idea of moving out and being alone with my daughter feels overwhelming.”
Grief is not a one-size-fits-all process.
Grief is not something that happens in the same way for everyone. It is a shared experience, and yet everyone feels it differently.
VeryWell Mind pointed out, “Everyone grieves in their own unique way, and most grieving journeys do not follow a linear pattern.”
The Hospice Foundation of America shared a helpful analogy to better grasp this. “Some have compared grief to snowflakes or fingerprints; each person’s grief is both personal and unique,” they said.
Just as each person’s grief is unique, each person will feel it differently. The Hospice Foundation of America went on to say, “Grief can be a highly emotional experience … Others may grieve with less intense emotions.”
Because everyone grieves differently, it is important to consider that everyone most likely perceives grief differently as well. This woman’s brother may be a less emotional griever who seeks to move on as quickly as possible. That could be why he is disappointed his sister is not doing more.
However, she grieves in her own way as well. Clearly, she is really struggling with coming to terms with all of the changes in her life — both her husband’s death and her new baby. Facing several life-altering events so close together could explain why she is slower to move on with her grief.
No one can perfectly understand another’s grief, even if they have both lost the same person. Because of that, it’s best to treat those grieving with as much compassion and empathy as possible and to give them the space that they need.
One day, this woman will move on, but that day doesn’t have to be today.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.