4 Clear Signs Someone Is Extremely Envious Of You, According To The Laws Of Human Nature
Our subconscious behaviors and body language give away more than we're willing to admit.
Los Muertos Crew | CanvaPro Envy is a widely misinterpreted and misunderstood emotion, often associated with toxicity, mistrust, and resentment. In reality, though, envious people can sometimes feel the most empowered, recognizing other people’s accomplishments as a motivator for their success.
In these situations, envy can be a mutually beneficial trait in partners and friends, helping to cultivate a growth-forward mindset in healthy relationships.
Of course, there are also situations where envy can be malicious, motivated by feelings of inferiority, insecurity, and resentment. If you notice some of the more negative consequences of envy, like the clear signs mindset coach Sapphire Love on TikTok explained, consider them a warning that someone is hoping to invalidate your success or degrade your character.
Here are 4 clear signs that someone is extremely envious of you, according to the laws of human nature:
1. They give you ‘dagger eyes’ or negative facial microexpressions
A 2022 study comparing “benign and malicious” envy places a strong emphasis on the power of microexpressions like head-turning, eye contact, and body language in deciphering someone’s intentions. If you’re sharing an achievement, like a job promotion or a new relationship, and someone expresses an emotion like anger, confusion, or frustration while “congratulating” you — chances are they’re struggling with envy.
Love described “dagger eyes,” a body language cue coined by Robert Greene in his book “The Laws of Human Nature,” as a clear sign of envious people. Like most humans, it’s impossible to control your facial expressions immediately.
Our microexpressions, which appear for just a fraction of a second, can cue other people into our authentic emotions rather than the mask we put up. Look for the “dagger eyes” or glare from people when you share good news. They can’t control it, but you can find ways to pick up on it.
2. They offer ‘poisonous praise’ in response to good news
Similar to “backhanded compliments,” envious people will often respond with “poisonous praise” when you share happy news or try to celebrate a life accomplishment. Instead of saying, “Congrats, you worked so hard” or “I’m so proud of you,” they focus on material things like money and access or try to shift the conversation negatively.
Love explained, "They're focused on pointing out all the ways it will benefit them, like your higher salary or better travel access, rather than congratulating you on your hard work or personal accomplishment."
They might also point out negative things, like how you’re going to be moving away from them or have less free-time with a job promotion, rather than focusing on your happiness.
“So many people in your life actually do this,” Love said, arguing that this sign of envy was shocking for her to recognize. While sometimes, these comments aren’t directly intended to be malicious, they can be indicative of someone’s general view of you and the value of your relationship.
3. They use ‘backbiting’ to reinforce their negative perception of you
Envious people with malicious intentions often create a negative perception of you, even if you don’t know them or haven’t given them any reason to think poorly of you.
Typically, their own insecurities fuel this distaste for you, and they’ll do anything to reassure themselves that you’re a bad person — often gossiping to trick other people into believing it.
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They won’t give you grace when you make a mistake; they’ll spread or accept untrue rumors and gossip negatively with others about your character. While they might be nice to your face, they’re keeping track of your every move, hoping to put you down to fuel their own self-confidence and ego.
Despite that, there’s some reassurance in knowing that no matter how hard they try to fulfill their own ego, craft their own self-assuredness, and grow their confidence by putting you down, it will only ever make them more insecure.
4. They seesaw between praise and harsh criticism
It can be disillusioning and confusing to acknowledge the toxic friends and people in your life, oftentimes because they’ve mastered the art of “seesawing.” As this Love explained, they go back and forth between praising you and critiquing you — no matter what the situation.
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They’ll celebrate your successes while critiquing your work-life balance or your investment in a passion. They’ll share your artwork online and then critique it to your face.
It can be hard to pinpoint exactly how they feel because they’re not shy about playing to both your friendship and their own ego.
“Someone that genuinely cares for you won't do that to you,” Love asserted. “They’re critiquing you because they wish they were in your position, but then they warm up to you to be fake. They’re critiquing because they literally want to be you.”
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories