Childless Woman Suggests Women Try This ‘Social Experiment’ Whenever They’re Asked Why They Don’t Have Kids
Avoid the unwanted and uncomfortable conversation that follows the inappropriate question.
fizkes | Shutterstock Between Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance's insensitive comments and those made by your own family and nosy strangers, it seems that women who choose not to have children will always be questioned and judged.
Those conversations are uncomfortable at best and offensive at worst, as people often disregard a woman's lack of desire to have kids, assuming it's something they will grow out of or change their mind about.
Thankfully, childless content creator Kat Fernandez shared a life hack to make these unwanted conversations end much more quickly.
She suggested other childless women try out this ‘social experiment’ whenever they’re asked why they don't have kids.
"When I tell people that I don't want to have kids, I suddenly find myself in a discussion that I don't wanna have," Fernandez said. “They'll be like, ‘What if you change your mind, and then it's too late? What if you grow old and then you don't have kids to look after you?’”
This is a common experience for women who choose not to have children. From historical roots to religious expectations and gendered stereotypes, the expectation for women to want kids is ingrained in our society, and people, especially in older generations, struggle to understand why someone would choose not to.
Yet, not wanting kids is an increasingly popular position for young women to hold. According to Pew Research Center, 47% of U.S. adults under the age of 50 say they are unlikely ever to have children. Of that age group, women are especially likely to say they just don’t want to have kids — 64% compared to 50% of men.
Thankfully, Fernandez's self-preserving social experiment can help women dodge such unproductive conversations — or rather, interrogations.
Instead of telling people that she doesn't want kids, the childless woman tells them she can't have children.
“Whenever you say you can’t have kids, everyone [gets uncomfortable], and then it’s quickly ‘next topic,’” Fernandez explained. "It's a life hack."
According to Fernandez, this statement doesn't invite the same questions and judgment that saying you simply don't want kids does.
With most people unwilling to question a woman's fertility and health, the topic is swiftly diverted.
Evidently, being involuntarily childless is more acceptable than being childless by choice. When women make that decision for themselves it's an issue deserving of being challenged and shamed, but if it's outside of their control, there's nothing to be said.
There are many reasons women choose not to have children, despite societal pressure.
The simple truth is that a woman's purpose is not to have children. Starting a family is a choice women can make for themselves, but it should not be an expectation. There are many reasons why women choose not to have children, even if they are technically able.
Pew Research Center found that the top reason cited for why people under 50 don't expect to have kids is because they simply don't want to. While some don't see this as a valid reason, nobody — not the parents nor the children — benefits when someone who doesn't want kids chooses to anyway.
Other popular reasons include a desire to focus on their careers and interests, concerns about the state of the world, an inability to afford to raise a child, concerns about the environment, and negative experiences with their family of origin.
Many women are also choosing not to have children due to the modern political climate, threats to birth control and abortion access, and legal attacks on reproductive rights.
Every single one of these reasons is valid, and it's unfortunate that women have to lie about their reasoning so that they won't be questioned and judged. No one should be forced into motherhood or made to feel shame for their decision not to.
Having children is a lifelong commitment. While it might’ve been a beautiful, fulfilling, and perfect decision for you, that doesn't mean it’s the right decision for everybody else. It doesn't mean that their life has less value or purpose than yours.
It's 2024 — let's stop asking women why they don't have kids.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories