The Disturbingly Common Reason More Women Than Ever Are Choosing Sterilization
A lack of options breeds desperation, no pun intended.
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This may sound dramatic granted I’m 32 years old, but having a child would ruin my life. For one, I need eight hours of sleep to function and 72 hours of isolation after socializing. For another, I love my job and plan to work until the day I die. (And before anyone says “women can do both,” studies show that motherhood has vast, long-term ramifications on women’s careers.)
I also love quiet, free time, and intellectual conversations that don’t involve diapers. Then there’s the issue of finances. After my mortgage is paid, my student loans are addressed, my refrigerator is stocked, and my Roth IRA is funded, I’m tapped. For the record, I make over $100,000 a year.
Since 1985, the cost of living has risen by 149%, but the average income has only increased by 35%. Rates of anxiety and depression have also reached record highs due to financial and societal stress. Like countless other millennials, I can barely afford to support myself — never mind my offspring. But if I’m being honest, those are all excuses.
The real reason I've decided to remain kid-free is that my purpose on this earth is not rearing children.
I’ve known that in my heart, soul, and gut since I was a child. Since I am now a grown, tax-paying person with a brain and free will, that should be reason enough. It’s not. Some people still struggle to understand how a woman could be so “selfish.”
But I’m not a rarity anymore. Among women in their 20s, childless women now outnumber mothers. While some struggle with fertility and others are waiting until they’re more secure, research has shown a whopping one in five women has no interest in having kids. Like, ever.
Why? Because for the first time in history, we have a choice. Mine is the first generation of women who have decided to prioritize themselves and the humans who are already here — and some people (white men in power) don’t like that.
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How dare a woman opt out of using the womb that God gave her? How dare she decide that the nuclear family isn’t for her?
How dare she prioritize her career and her mental health over a husband and children? How dare she choose herself? In an attempt to control this growing army of intentionally childless cat ladies, the Supreme Court overruled Roe v. Wade in 2022. Now, some conservative male politicians want to ban access to all contraception due to its “unnatural, unbiblical” nature.
Birth control options have never been stellar, but at least we have options. Recently, I wrote about how getting my IUD inserted was the worst pain I’d ever felt, yet my doctor gaslit me into believing it would be a quick, easy procedure. Still, while my cervix spasmed in agony, the rest of my body felt profound relief.
If everything went as intended, I could breathe easy for 10 whole years. I wouldn’t have to go back on the pill, which gave me anxiety and early symptoms of IBS. I wouldn’t have to lie awake at night, terrified that my career, my mental well-being, my body, and my relationships hinged on one broken condom.
Think about that for a second: After years of trial, frustration, and research, I decided that lodging an inflammatory piece of metal into my uterus was my best option — and I’d do it over and over again if it meant retaining control of my future.
Other women’s responses to this article showed me two bitter truths:
- Experiences like mine are shockingly common
- Our options are unlikely to improve unless someone starts caring about women’s health
“IUD placement hurts like a mother,” one woman wrote. “They don’t tell you that. [When I got my second one], I took two Norco, three ibuprofen, and one Tylenol beforehand.”
“I had considered a copper IUD because I can’t handle hormonal birth control, but discovered that there are cases in which it wandered and got lodged in the walls of the uterus,” another wrote.
One commenter said, “I know 4 women who got pregnant with an IUD inside, and it also caused another 2 women I know lots of health problems… horrible.”
“I’m convinced that we’re viewed as second-class citizens in the United States healthcare system,” another woman wrote. “It’s even worse for minorities and those who live below the poverty line.”
Over 80 different women commented on this article, all of them relaying how they’d been gaslit by doctors, reprimanded for asking questions, and backed into inhumane, dangerous corners due to a lack of options.
But the most telling comment?
“I am happy to say, I am getting my tubes removed next month for sterilization [because I’ve almost died from hormonal contraception risks,] my copper IUD causes 12-day long periods and at 37 years old, I’m frankly tired of this. Birth control is so hard on women and the majority of society has no idea.”
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Imagine feeling elated because a doctor has finally agreed to sterilize you. Imagine realizing that the only viable option is the removal of your reproductive system.
I can imagine it, and apparently, so can ample other women. According to research, the rates of female sterilization doubled after Roe vs. Wade was overturned, and tubal ligation procedures are more popular than they’ve ever been. If my body rejects this IUD, sterilization is my next stop. I fear it’s the only choice I have left.
Yes, women are desperate to determine their futures. We’re that scared of our rights being taken away. We’re that tired of putting everyone else before ourselves. And if people don’t start advocating for our health, our bodies, and our choices, it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better.
Maria Cassano is a writer, editor, and journalist whose work has appeared on NBC, Bustle, CNN, The Daily Beast, Food & Wine, and Allure, among others.