3 Non-Verbal Signs Someone Is Secretly Competing With You, According To Psychology
Once you recognize the signs, your entire inner circle will shift.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock.com The people in your life and the relationships you build with them are integral to your well-being. Whether acting as cheerleaders, coaches, wingmen, or shoulders to cry on, the people we invite into our inner circle are blessings. Unfortunately, not everyone in our list of nearest and dearest always has the best of intentions, and sometimes insecurities and jealousies sneak in and morph healthy relationships into competitive ones without you even realizing it.
If you know what to look for, however, you can steel yourself against these competitive wolves in sheep's clothing and pick up on the non-verbal signs they are secretly giving you that indicate their true nature.
Here are 3 non-verbal signs that someone you trust is secretly competing with you, according to psychology:
1. You always catch them staring at you
Of course, not everyone who has a wandering eye or is staring at you feels like you’re their competition — they could simply be admiring your outfit and confidence, but there is always a vibe that gives them away. That means trust your intuition.
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A 2018 study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology found a direct correlation between competitiveness and gaze in social interactions. Sure, people with more dominant personality types tend to offer more direct eye contact when interacting, but this is beyond that.
If there is any negotiation, think social negotiation, not boardroom negotiation, like commanding a room or cracking the best joke among your peers, and you notice direct eye contact that makes you do a double take, chances are that person is secretly competing with you.
2. You notice their negative micro-expressions before they can put on a mask
Coined by Anthropologist Dr. Paul Ekman, “micro-expressions” are the facial expressions we all involuntarily make when we experience emotions. Sometimes, they can occur for a fraction of a second, but they are always there.
According to Ekman, there are seven micro-expressions we can all recognize: happiness, sadness, anger, disgust, contempt, fear, and surprise.
When it comes to secretly competitive individuals, you want to look out for anger, disgust, and contempt.
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If you are unsure how to recognize these subtle facial expressions, you can actually practice identifying them by simply making faces in a mirror.
By imagining how you would feel in certain situations, you can mimic the actual micro-expressions that you make without even realizing you're doing it.
3. You notice them copying you
They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and that can be true in moderation. Have you ever bought shoes that were similar to a pair your bestie wore because they were fab? That's not problematic. You are still your own person.
The problem arises when that copying transfers into everything including your opinions and life decisions.
The entire foundation for envy-driven interactions and jealousy in your life is success. Shashta Nelson author of "The Business of Friendship: Making the Most of the Relationships Where We Spend Most of Our Time," told Harvard Business Review, "Resenting envy refers to the tendency to believe that others shouldn’t have something just because we don’t have it. This reaction not only leads to feelings of resentment toward our friends (that can often erode our relationships), but it can also create more anxiety and stress in our bodies because it’s rooted in fear. We may start to believe that for us to be successful, someone else has to fail."
Competition doesn't always have to be a bad thing.
Competition isn’t always mean-spirited. It can sometimes be a cry for help from a friend, but it can also be a driving force for change and growth. As long as you are cheering each other on while driving each other to be better, that competitive force can work for good.
Secret animosity in friendships and relationships, however, is never healthy. While these secretly competing friends and jealous family members might not be malicious at the core, they’re still not adding value or happiness to your life. Find ways to set clear boundaries with these people, or at the very least, have a conversation with them about how you’re feeling.
Everyone deserves friendships and partners that fully support them in their successes, no matter how accomplished their own lives are. Evolve, grow, and change with your friends without fear that they'll talk poorly about you behind your back.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories