Mom Says It's Harder To Take Care Of Her Kids When Her Husband Is Home — 'I Do Not Like Him At All Right Now'
One mom has found that, instead of being a help, her husband actually makes it harder to take care of their kids.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock All parents have their own ways of doing things. Sometimes, this means a set of parents can clash and not get along as well as they could.
One mom found that her parenting style just did not mesh well with her husband’s, leading to frustration. Because she did the bulk of the childcare, the mom felt that when her husband was home, he disrupted the well-oiled machine and made daily tasks more difficult.
A mom felt like her husband was making it harder to take care of their children.
A mom posted on Reddit and shared her feelings about life when her husband is home.
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One would think that having two parents at home would make taking care of the kids easier. After all, work split between two people should be simpler, right?
Not so, said this mom.
“I hate when my husband is home,” she declared sadly. “All rules, timelines and structure just [fly] out the window.”
The mother explained that she has her kids on a strict schedule that works well.
“Bedtime is 9:30 for the six and 10-year-old,” she said. “But no — [significant other] is home, so he wants to cook dinner and doesn’t begin until 9:15 on this lengthy from-scratch meal that the kids are not even going to want to eat and will complain about.”
Tanya Surikova
“The six-year-old takes 49 minutes to eat and drives me insane,” she continued. “It’s 9:40 and dinner is still 25 minutes out at the minimum.”
The woman continued to complain about her husband, stating that he didn’t understand all that she went through with the kids.
“He tells me, ‘Relax. It’s family time.’ You nitwit — it’s been non-stop family time for me since 7:00 a.m. I am tired,” she said. “The eight-month-old baby is tired. The kids are wound up because they are over-tired. We were outside all day.”
The mom explained just how important the kids’ schedule is to her and how upsetting it is to have it disregarded.
“I rely on 9:30 bedtime for my sanity,” she said. “They are in bed at 9:30. I clean till 10:00, then collapse on the couch and watch some TV.”
The mom has simply had enough of dealing with her husband’s behavior, arguing that changing the routine when he is home is disrespectful.
She concluded the post by saying, “I’m so upset that when I am upset by this, he just dismisses me. I’m overwhelmed. I want to end the day.”
The mom felt that the schedule being ignored was, by extension, a way to disrespect her.
“I’m about to cry and it feels ridiculous,” she shared. “I’m just so tired and worn out from this day.”
To make matters worse, this mom has already discussed this matter with her husband and gone over how it is particularly important right now.
“The kids start school Monday and I just spoke with him yesterday about the importance of getting their schedules back on track for a smooth transition,” she said. “I do not like him at all right now. He is sacrificing my ‘me time’ so he can selfishly pretend to be father of the year.”
Differing parenting styles could actually be detrimental to the couple’s kids.
While it may seem like it’s not a big deal for parents to disagree on matters like their kids’ bedtime, it could be a sign of a bigger problem that can really affect kids.
Matt Lundquist of Tribeca Therapy said, “If kids sense that there is no one at the wheel, so to speak, in the form of absent parents or that there is a disagreement or conflict around parenting, it is unconsciously frightening for them. It can make children feel insecure.”
When parents aren’t on the same page, it can be difficult for children to understand what is happening and why things feel so uncertain. Kids need to feel stable and secure, which they feel more of when their parents are on the same page or at least present a united front.
These parents could definitely work on their communication to at least appear more unified. But there is clearly also more going on here. Mom and Dad are in a power struggle. Mom is tired, and Dad has limited time to spend with his family. It's a common problem that will take communication and compromise to overcome.
There's no denying that this mom needs to let go of her need to control everything, but at the same time, this dad should be more mindful of his choices and how they impact his wife's day when he isn't home. An hour later to bed probably means a much more difficult day for Mom while Dad gets to escape to the office.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.