A Dad Tells His Sister She Can't Move In With Him Because She 'Isn't The Type Of Woman' He Wants His Daughters Looking Up To
He claimed that the choices his sister has made in her life are things he doesn't want his daughters to emulate.
Yuganov Konstantin | Shutterstock A dad admitted that his entire family wants him to apologize to his sister after he told her he was uncomfortable with her living with him and his daughters.
Posting to the subreddit r/AITA, he claimed that his sister's behavior and the choices she's made in life have prevented him from feeling secure in her moving in with him, especially with his impressionable daughters under the same roof.
A dad told his sister he doesn't want her to live with him because she 'isn't the type of woman' he wants his daughters looking up to.
"My sister and I are complete opposites. My sister doesn’t have many accomplishments and the last thing I remember her achieving is graduating high school," he began in his Reddit post.
He explained that at the age of 20, his sister dropped out of college because she got pregnant. As a result, she moved in with the baby's father, and the two were together for around 10 years. He criticized that, at the time, she didn't even have a job despite her son having started school.
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She and her son's father never married, and about two years ago, he left. She's now pregnant again, and the father of this baby refuses to be involved at all, leaving her to raise her children alone.
She works at a fast food establishment and barely makes enough money to scrape by, meaning she's constantly asking the people in her family, including him, for money and assistance.
She recently brought up the idea of moving in with him, his wife, and his two daughters. Since his wife travels frequently, she figured that she could spend more time with his daughters and form a bond with them since she hasn't been able to do that.
The dad's sister argued that she is a better role model than his wife, who travels a lot for work.
Since she wasn't a fan of his wife traveling as much as she does, his sister insisted that his daughters need a role model in the house.
He pointed out that this wasn't the first time that she'd brought up the role model argument, and he'd tried to turn her down politely on many different occasions in the past.
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His daughters already have a mother and role model, and to insinuate that she's not a good mother by traveling or that her daughters are being deprived of having a woman around the house could be seen as trying to step in where she doesn't belong.
It's understandable that he'd be a bit peeved by his sister's insistence on her presence in the house.
The dad has every right to refuse his sister's request to move in, but he should not condemn her for her past.
Although we don't have all the details of this family's story, it certainly seems like this woman is lashing out after being criticized by her brother for her life choices. The easiest target is her sister-in-law. While defensively insulting the other woman, she is also trying to manipulate her way into a secure living arrangement.
It sadly highlights her desperation in what is likely an impossible situation.
However, her brother should not use the "mistakes" she's made in her life against her. From his recount of the past, it seems that his sister was just young and probably didn't know how her actions would impact the rest of her life.
It doesn't mean that she should be shunned, shamed, or criticized for them because, in her eyes, she might be doing all that she can to keep her and her children afloat in difficult times.
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The best thing this dad can do, especially when it comes to his sister, is give her the benefit of the doubt and a chance to change and turn her life around. While he doesn't need to invite her to be a roommate or condone her decisions and behavior, he should try to foster a healthy relationship between his daughters and their aunt. That doesn't mean she gets carte blanche to influence them, but it does mean she gets to be a presence in their lives.
When his sister mentioned living with him once more, he sternly told her that he wasn't comfortable with the idea. His resistance resulted in a "heated conversation" between the two, and he told her that she wasn't the type of woman he wanted his kids to look up to and be around.
While his words were harsh, parents have the right to determine who can play an active role in their children's lives. As The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry noted, not all role models are good role models, and that means parents have to be vigilant in openly communicating what behaviors are acceptable to emulate and which should be avoided.
People in the comments section agreed that he wasn't wrong for refusing to let his sister live with him and his family.
There were many Redditors who pointed out that he could've been a bit nicer in his delivery instead of shaming his sister and the choices she's made in her life, but nevertheless agreed that it was probably better that she doesn't move in. "You’ve said no before, and she was pushing for a response. People need to be responsible for their life decisions, and you shouldn’t be on the hook to house her and take care of her kids," one person wrote.
Another user added, "What else are you supposed to do? She's gone out of her way to make you uncomfortable, insult your wife, and try to invade your space. She is not a role model, and maybe that hurts, but it's the truth."
"Ignoring her education and work history, she's belittling the mother of your kids for working hard to keep a roof over their heads. That's not someone I'd want around the kids either."
Ultimately, the decision is up to him and his wife, but hopefully, this debacle doesn't ruin their relationship in the long run.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.