9 Phrases Any Husband Or Wife Can Say To Boost Their Partner's Daily Joy
A marriage and family therapist shares some regular joy boosters that make a marriage thrive.
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva As a couples therapist, I have heard from many husbands and wives over the years about what they long to hear from their partners. Most of us lead fast-paced lives with careers, children, social obligations, and other activities. Sometimes, in all of that busyness, we fail to deliver the words our spouses need to experience love and joy in the relationship.
To keep a marriage strong, we need to help our partners feel seen, heard and valued in addition to feeling connected. Here are a few ways to do that.
Nine things any husband or wife can say to boost their partner's joy
1. Please tell me how you are doing
Regularly checking in with each other is a practice that encourages closeness and vulnerability. It lets your partner know you care about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It signals you are not taking them for granted and they matter to you.
2. Tell me more about that
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I’ve come to believe “tell me more” is marriage's three most powerful words. Saying them signals a deep capacity to listen as your partner opens up and shares more. By showing interest in the deeper meaning of their words, you are giving them the gift of your time and presence.
3. How can I help you?
Life can be fraught with stress, and sometimes we all need help. Depending on the lessons you learned about needing help as a child in your family, asking for it can be challenging. A good spouse knows to ask and not assume everything is under control. The help might be as simple as taking the dry cleaning in, giving your partner some time alone, or offering a hug.
4. I appreciate what you do for me/us
In couples therapy, the subject of not feeling appreciated often arises. You cannot possibly overdo the expression of your gratitude to one another. Make a point to share your appreciation often and specifically. Do not assume your spouse knows you notice the things they do — tell them! Be sure to include what it means to you and how it makes you feel.
5. I love seeing you happy. What can I do to help you feel even happier?
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Sharing in your spouse’s wins is an important part of marriage. All of us want to know our partner is our biggest fan. When you share in the joy, you are creating an essential connection. Asking how you can enhance happiness helps you focus your efforts in meaningful ways, showing your spouse how important they are to you.
6. When can we spend some time together?
A study on work separation demands and spousal well-being helps us understand when we miss our partner, we are operating from a place of deprivation. This leads to frustration, criticism, and bickering. Our tanks are empty and we need to reconnect.
Rather than complaining, a simple request to spend some time together may help the two of you to find each other again. This may look like sitting down for a talk, going on a walk together, playing a game, or making love. All relationships need quality time together to thrive, as evidenced by 2001 research.
7. My life is better because of you, here’s why
In the beginning, we marry because we have the sense our lives will be better with our beloved than alone. Over time, we may begin to wonder if we’re making much of a difference in the other’s life. By saying these words to our spouse, we are reassuring and encouraging them. Being specific helps them reflect on the many things they do and the positive impact they have.
8. I’m proud of you and your achievements
Recognizing your spouse’s accomplishments, big and small, reinforces their sense of pride and self-worth. You are communicating you see them. Often, the time and energy we devote to our achievements can conflict with the demands of the marriage. A study on spousal support and marital satisfaction shows how having our partners express pride in us tells us it has been worth it and we have their support.
9. If I had to do it again, I’d still choose to marry you
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Telling your spouse you would choose them over again can have a profound effect on their joy. It reinforces your commitment to them, deepens your bond, and assures them your love remains strong no matter the ups and downs of daily life. This is a direct and heartfelt way to communicate. Given the choice, you'd make the same decision to be with them without hesitation.
In marriage, most people need three basic things to experience joy: to be seen, to be heard, and to feel valued. By using some of these phrases, you can let your partner know you are available, interested, and curious about them. You will be expressing you see and appreciate them, you want to hear what they have to say, and you value them and their achievements.
These phrases can help you fulfill these needs, strengthening your relationship and enhancing daily joy. What phrases have you found to be effective in creating joy in your marriage?
Mary Kay Cocharo is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California.