Dad Sends An Emotional Message To His Son’s Teacher After His Kid Handed Her A Note With The Word ‘Blue’ On It
"I remind him that self-regulation is about creating joy for himself."
wavebreakmedia | Shutterstock Regulating difficult emotions is a learned skill — not something you are born able to do. One dad came up with a color system to help his son self-regulate, particularly to help the young boy handle his feelings about his mother being in prison.
After the third-grader utilized his emotional color system on the first day of school, handing his teacher a note with the word “blue” written on it, his dad sent a message to the teacher explaining the seemingly nonsensical note.
The dad sent an emotional message to his son’s teacher after his kid handed her a note with the word ‘blue’ written on it.
In a letter to the teacher, Aaron Hicks explained that his son, Rambo's mother is in prison. "That is a challenge we live with daily," he admitted. "Most of the kids at school know and that was his choice."
"I understand that Rambo got a little emotional about something a girl said about his mom," he wrote. "He is taught that no one can make you feel anything, and you can’t control others — but there is no appropriate time for inappropriate behavior, and his feelings are always valid."
He informed the teacher that Rambo has the tools to self-regulate, notably an emotional color chart.
Young kids often struggle to verbalize complex emotions, especially after something traumatic. To help, the dad created the color chart which allows his son to share both how he's feeling at what he needs at any given moment.
“Green is happy and ready to be relational and engaging," Hicks explained. "Blue is sad/sick and requires some alone time or rest. Yellow is fidgety and anxious and requires breath work and/or a physical activity like pushups or squats.”
"Red is angry/very upset," the dad added, "and requires him to leave the room and focus on his breath."
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The color chart allows his son to identify what he is feeling and easily ask for the support he needs, whether from a parent or teacher. It also serves as a reminder that emotions are only temporary and you can use specific actions, like breathwork, to make yourself feel better.
Clearly, the young boy is well-supported by his father, so much so that he feels comfortable using the color system in school. After feeling upset about comments made by a classmate, he wrote “blue” on a note, signaling to his teacher that he needed some time alone to process his sadness.
While the dad was nervous about his teacher's reaction to his message, her response was incredibly supportive.
“I love that you have created such a wonderful environment for Rambo to learn about his emotions and how to handle life,” she wrote back. “This is something many adults can’t even do, so I really can't stress how amazing it is you are teaching him these things from a young age.”
The teacher requested a copy of the emotional color chart so that she could put it up in class to help all of her students learn to self-regulate and use colors to pinpoint their emotions. She even asked if Hicks would be willing to speak to her students about it.
"The kids always love hearing things from another adult other than me," she added.
Overjoyed by the unexpectedly supportive response, Hicks shared that he feels "so blessed for [his] son to have her."
Children need adults' guidance to understand and healthily regulate their emotions.
Children, especially those who have lost a parent, experience intense emotions and feelings. However, unlike adults, they are unequipped to recognize and regulate their emotions.
It is up to the adults in their lives to teach them how to pinpoint their feelings and use healthy coping skills to self-regulate. The aforementioned emotions chart is a great way to do so, as it provides accessible language for the kids to use and simple steps to feel better.
In a follow-up video, Hicks pointed out that even many adults are unable to healthily self-regulate because they were never taught how to as children.
"So many people, especially our generation, were taught not to show emotions, that crying wasn’t manly," he said. "Most of us found other [unhealthy] ways to cope with our emotions since we weren’t given the tools to regulate ourselves."
He noted that many people's parents simply weren't "informed in the avenues of self-regulation and the importance of expressing your emotions." Unfortunately, for many, this manifests as unhealthy behaviors, including substance abuse, violence against women, depression, anxiety, and other mental health struggles.
"Something I’m trying to do differently with my son is to teach him how to regulate the emotions that he comes across," Hicks said — and he's clearly doing a great job.
“I remind my son that self-regulation is about creating joy for himself and others,” the dad added. “He is the kindest and most loving young man you will meet!”
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories