The Happiest Kids Learn How To Manage Stress From Their Parents — 5 Ways To Teach Them
Imagine a world made of adults who learned effective stress management skills as kids.
Fizkes via Shutterstock | Ajisai Creative via Canva As an engaged parent, you can see stress on your child’s face and hear it in their voice. You recognize these feelings oh so well from your own life, too.
It doesn’t matter how big, small, or "real" you think the threat is, to your child, some challenges of childhood (and young adulthood) seem larger or stronger than they can handle. As a result, sometimes our kids feel out of control and downright hopeless. But we can help our kids learn to manage stress.
Five ways to teach kids to manage stress, no matter their age
1. Calm yourself down first
Thanks to mirror neurons, humans have an amazing ability to "read" and mirror each other’s emotions. So, "place your oxygen mask" first before helping your child. Role model self-care. Calm yourself, get clear, and radiate a grounded, safe presence.
In The New York Times, writer David French asked, "What if kids are sad and stressed because their parents are?". It's a good question!
2. Help them notice the sensations in their body
You and your child, no matter how young or old, can learn to better recognize the early signs and symptoms of distress, giving you the power to make adjustments on the fly and take back control.
Ask them questions about what they notice physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually (i.e. connection to purpose/others) when the stress starts to mount. Ask them what they notice during your stressful moments and share your observations.
Notice what calms (not numbs) those feelings. Building awareness is the prerequisite to developing self-regulation.
Ground Picture via Shutterstock
3. Teach them to breathe their way through anxiety
Slow, intentional breathing is one of the fastest ways to calm the brain and body. It restores blood flow to the frontal lobe and makes it much easier to get strong and creative. This teaches your child that they have more control than they feel and creates time to choose responses. Make it fun! Practice, practice, practice!
4. Let them know their feelings are normal
Say, "I hear you are distressed, what do you think would be helpful?" Do not jump in to fix it!
And in your unease, do not dismiss their worries. Ask them how they've handled something like this before and what worked best for them. Get curious, ask "what if ?" questions — not ones that solve, but ones that get your child curious about how things work and what makes them emotionally and mentally strong.
5. Help them own their power
Maybe they can't control the entire situation at hand, but they definitely can control their response to it! Talk them through their options. Usually just knowing they have choices (from the extreme and ridiculous to the calm and rational) will help them feel better.
Most of all, empathize and truly listen.
Kids feel more resilient and capable when they know mom and dad have their back. The support you give your kids now helps set them up for emotional success later in adulthood.
Imagine the upside of a world made up of adults who learned effective stress management skills as kids!
Cynthia Ackrill leads stress and leadership workshops in many settings from coaching and leadership programs to women's conferences.