Why People Raised By A Narcissistic Parent Often Turn Into Procrastinators As Adults
To get better at completing tasks you must work through the childhood trauma caused by this type of parent.
Lazy_Bear | Shutterstock The effects of being raised by a narcissistic parent are profound and long-lasting. How they treated you during childhood sticks with you and inevitably influences your behavior as an adult.
Somatic healer Adam White recently highlighted one specific trait that's extremely common in children of narcissistic parents.
He explained why people raised by narcissistic parents often turn into procrastinators as adults.
White specializes in helping people reverse the effects of childhood trauma and narcissistic abuse. He revealed how narcissistic parents often create chronic procrastinators.
"Subconsciously, everything in the mind of a narcissistic parent is about themselves, so they must keep the focus of their children on them as well," he explained. "One of the main ways that they do this is by finding constant fault or criticism in their child’s actions or the jobs they complete."
The child, who naturally wants to receive love and praise from their parent, becomes focused on pleasing the narcissist. However, the praise never comes.
"When this is done over and over again consistently, the child begins to anticipate receiving pain whenever they complete a chore or task because nothing they ever do is good enough," White continued.
"Their mind creates an association between doing work and receiving pain. They subconsciously begin to resist pain and then begin putting off chores and tasks to avoid it."
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Thus, this pain avoidance ends up creating procrastination in many adult children of narcissists.
Even when they no longer live with the narcissistic parent who demanded perfection, the effects stick with them. The minds of adolescents are incredibly malleable and even years later, many still put off work because they still associate the completion of it with pain and negativity.
Therapy can help adult children of narcissists learn to stop procrastinating.
Unfortunately, childhood trauma from narcissistic parents doesn't just go away. As such, those who procrastinate due to pain avoidance may not be able to implement the common advice that targets procrastinators, like pushing through it or breaking up tasks.
White advises children of narcissists to consider "somatic healing," which Psychology Today describes as "a form of body-centered therapy that looks at the connection of mind and body and uses both psychotherapy and physical therapies for holistic healing."
"We have to feel and process the root cause of our procrastination," White insisted. "The emotional pain stuck in our bodies that was created in childhood by these interactions with a narcissistic parent."
"When we do this, the mind begins to create new wisdom that considers all the experiences we’ve had as an adult, in which work and task resulted in reward," he continued. "The mind begins to respond differently subconsciously when it comes time to do work or tasks in the future."
The trauma of growing up with a narcissistic parent has a way of negatively impacting endless aspects of a person's life — your ability to complete tasks included.
That's why it's so important to seek professional help once you notice that the effects of your childhood are holding you back in adulthood.
It doesn't have to be this way.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.