Couple Invited To A ‘No Gifts’ Party Feel Pressured To Give $100 When The 7-Year-Old Birthday Girl Asks Where Their Presents Are
Should the birthday girl's family have returned the money?
Roman Chazov / Shutterstock Giving gifts on birthdays is a long-held tradition. However, some people prefer to acknowledge that they have enough and ask that no gifts be given. That's what one family decided to do for their seven-year-old daughter. Unfortunately, she made things awkward by asking where the presents were.
A couple felt pressured to give the money they had on them to a 7-year-old birthday girl when she asked where her present was.
A parent of the birthday girl took to Reddit to share the story from their perspective and find out if they should have handled things differently.
“[The] invite said ‘no gifts,’ but a few people brought wrapped presents,” they wrote.
“When the last parents (fake names Joe and Sue) arrived, my daughter asked if they brought a gift,” the Redditor continued. “Sue saw the other gifts and looked clearly embarrassed for not having brought one, and said she thought the invite said ‘no gifts.’”
This left the parent in an intensely awkward situation. “We were standing in front of the other parents who had just given their gifts, so I didn’t make a big deal about it, and I said something like, ‘No, no, you’re right. We didn’t ask for anything; she’s spoiled enough as is, haha…” they recounted.
This answer did not satisfy the couple, however. “Unbeknownst to me, Sue quickly made a card and added it to [the] gift pile,” they said. “After cake, Joe and Sue’s son ran up in front of everyone and asked my daughter to open the card (we had not planned on opening gifts at the party).”
The family and other guests were shocked by what was inside the birthday card.
“My daughter pulled out a $100 bill and everyone gasped, basically, and of course, my daughter was elated (followed by my daughter opening the other very small, inexpensive presents),” they stated. “Joe seemed upset and withdrawn the rest of the party, and Sue acted like this was a completely normal gift.”
Meanwhile, the little girl's other parent was completely unaware of what had transpired.
“My partner had none of this context, and so later, when I told my partner how this all transpired, they were upset we may have done the wrong thing by not returning the gift because Joe and Sue clearly felt guilted into it,” they said.
This was an unfortunate situation in which multiple people made etiquette mistakes.
While one person can’t really be blamed for the awkward situation that unfolded at the party, it is important to note that multiple mistakes were made according to etiquette experts.
Diane Gottsman, founder of The Protocol School of Texas, spoke to HuffPost about what to do when you’re invited to a “no gifts” party.
“It’s most polite to follow their request,” Gottsman said, adding that "bringing a gift will make others feel uncomfortable. If some people showed up with a gift, while others followed the instructions of the host, the host should put the gifts discreetly away until the party is over.”
Based on this information, Joe and Sue were the only ones in the right because they followed the host’s instructions. Those who showed up with gifts were making the situation uncomfortable by going against the host’s wishes.
And, of course, the host did the wrong thing by leaving the presents out where anyone could see them, including incoming guests who followed the “no gifts” rule.
But really, it’s not worth it to play the blame game here. “No gifts” parties aren’t terribly common, and it’s understandable that everyone reacted differently in their confusion.
As for returning the money, there’s no clear-cut answer on that from etiquette experts. However, if it was obvious that Joe and Sue felt pressured to give money, returning it might have been a nice gesture.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.