Which Of The 5 Erotic Blueprints Are You?
Are you energetic? Sensual? Sexual?
Niki Sanders | Unsplash A client introduced me to the concept of Erotic Blueprints because she learned about them on an episode of the TV show Sex, Love, and Goop. Here’s an overview of the five types. Take the quiz here, but I will summarize them quickly as well:
Energetic: Altered states of consciousness, orgasm without touch, Tantra
Sensual: HSPs (Highly Sensitive People) who love romance, massage, and extended foreplay
AdvertisementSexual: Those easy people who just get off on sex itself; many non-HSP men
Kinky: BDSM and whatever else
Shapeshifter: All of the above and can please anyone, probably Brad from Sex/Life (just a little inside joke for those of us who have watched the show and know Brad is a sex god)
I write 90% of my articles for Highly Sensitive People because although we are 20% of people I believe we are 80% of people who seek therapy. Therefore, I have written my sex articles mostly about people who are the sensual type, which I would guess comprises most HSPs, except the super sensitive ones that are the energetic type. (They mean life energy not energy in the usual sense.)
In couples counseling, I get a lot of people who are the sensual, energetic, or kinky type paired with the sexual type. This is a common issue in this couple: The Wife Who Wants More And Her Annoyingly Satisfied Husband. Here, the wife usually wants the sex to be longer, more intimate, and more transcendental, and she gets thrown off to the point of not wanting sex at all when it is more focused on positions and penetration, as per her sexual husband’s tastes.
I like the blueprints because they can help partners deeply understand one another and how they have been “talking past each other” sexually despite their best efforts to connect.
For instance, if someone is the kinky type paired with a sensual type, they will be very bored in bed and their partner won’t understand why, especially if they are giving all of the loving touch, massage, and romantic words that they would find arousing and erotic. It is also useful that the blueprints show what can throw all the types off their game, including fears, insecurities, and environmental issues (e.g. the wrong temperature for the sensual type).
If you and your partner are not connecting sexually, especially if this has been a long-term thing, it is possible that the blueprint quiz and a deep discussion about each of your results could be very helpful. Often, partners of different types can initially connect because the honeymoon stage hormones and adrenaline mask their differences. The excitement of being with a new partner can make all types more adventurous and sexual, I believe. But over time and with age, a sensual or energetic type is not going to continue to respond well to purely sexual overtures, and a kinky type is not going to get their needs met by romantic sex.
Anything that can help you and your partner understand one another better is beneficial for couples, in the area of sex or any other area. Use this quiz to help you move past the awkwardness of trying to explain your needs, and allow it to spark new types of conversations on how to connect in bed. Reading the profile to one another and even taking the quiz in front of each other can fast-track conversations that might otherwise feel difficult to have.
At the very least, seeing that you and your partner are very different types can allow you to both feel less shame or embarrassment about having had difficulty reading what each other wants in bed.
If you are wired differently, you can finally see what the mixups were. If you find it very difficult to figure out ways to meet one another’s needs even after the quiz and associated discussion, therapy can help you and your partner communicate differently and come up with ways to blend your needs and wants into a more exciting and fulfilling sex life.
Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom, is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the founder of Dr. Psych Mom. She works with adults and couples in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health.