Therapist Warns Couples Not To Get Married Until They've Answered These 12 Financial Questions
Have an open conversation about money before making any big moves.
JodieWangss | Shutterstock No matter how much or how little money you have, it's a sensitive topic of conversation. We’ve been taught that it’s impolite to talk about money, but the more transparent we are about our financial situations, the more authentically we’re able to live.
Money plays a major part in our mental health and the viability of our relationships, as therapist Jeff Guenther explained in a TikTok.
The therapist warned couples not to get married until they’ve answered 12 financial questions:
1. How much money do you want to bring in annually as a couple?
It’s virtually impossible to fully separate our emotions from how we handle our finances, but maintaining an open dialogue around money is the first step to feeling like we’re in control instead of our money controlling us.
Clearly defining what your money goals are as a couple allows you to take the guesswork out of that part of the relationship.
Outlining the specific amount of money you hope to make as a couple makes creating a financial plan feel a little less intimidating.
2. Do we agree on financial boundaries?
Setting boundaries is difficult in any arena, but setting boundaries around money can be especially daunting.
Guenther suggested that couples talk about what their financial boundaries are from the get-go, like how they plan to approach the issue of lending money to family and friends.
The ways we think about and manage money are tied to our value systems. By making sure those values are aligned, a couple has a better chance of making it through the ups and downs they encounter on their journey.
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3. Will one person’s income affect how you spend money together?
One partner will probably make more money than the other, Guenther noted. He advised couples to ask each other how a disparity in income might affect the power balance of their relationship.
Some couples make sure there’s equity in the economics of their relationship by splitting costs evenly, while others contribute to the shared household proportionately to their income.
4. What are your thoughts on my approach to money?
Guenther wants couples to ask direct questions that dive into the emotional aspect of how they manage money, including, “Do you understand the reasons behind my financial habits and feelings?”
As personal finance advisor Ramit Sethi explained, our attitude towards money is rooted in the ways we were raised and how our parents approached finances.
While we all have deeply ingrained ideas about money, we’re also capable of unlearning and relearning habits in ways that benefit our future.
5. Do we both understand the legal implications of dividing our money and assets if we divorce?
No couple wants to talk about the possibility that they might break up, but having a contingency plan in place if something goes awry is a crucial way to protect against financial ruin.
This is especially true for women in relationships with men and women who have kids, as they’re more vulnerable to losing wealth in a divorce.
6. What do you want our savings plan to look like?
It's always a financially sound decision to create some kind of safety net so that surprise expenses don't surprise you quite so much. As a couple, this means determining how much you'll save each month and then setting aside that amount of money in an emergency fund that you both have access to.
It's also important to discuss how you want to save: Will you invest in stocks and bonds or keep your money more accessible in a high-yield savings account?
Making sure you're on the same page when it comes to savings will protect you from future financial conflicts or downturns.
7. Will we have a budget, and how will it be determined?
Having a budget is a key part of establishing your financial literacy and there are various ways to go about budgeting as a couple that prioritize your needs as individuals and as a unit.
Consider having a joint account for shared household expenses, like groceries and utilities, along with individual accounts for anything extra.
Tracking your spending habits is a great way to establish full transparency around all things money-related.
8. Would you rather spend more money on things or experiences?
This question goes beyond money on its own to the larger question of how you and your partner want to live. Do you value material things or experiences more?
If one-half of a couple prioritizes spending their savings on the newest iPhone model while the other person prioritizes eating at fancy restaurants, this raises the flag that their priorities are in different places, which could signal long-term incompatibility.
While it's true that opposites attract, it's important to make sure you're in alignment when it comes to how you want to spend your money.
9. Will we have two individual checking accounts or one joint checking account?
Marriage involves merging your finances, but that doesn't mean you have to go all or nothing.
A good middle ground could be having a dedicated account for shared expenses while also keeping individual accounts, to give yourself some wiggle room and a sense of economic autonomy.
Having a joint account requires couples to stay in constant communication about where that money is going, which creates a culture of honesty and openness within the relationship.
10. How do we each create value in this relationship besides earning income?
Money isn't everything. Having money provides access and opportunities, but no amount of wealth can make an unhappy couple into a happy one.
Pay attention to what you like about yourself and what you like about your partner. Listen to the other person when they tell you what makes them feel cared for and loved. Focus on learning something new about each other every day and keep that spark alive for years to come.
11. What are our financial retirement goals?
Retirement is a huge change for everyone, both financially and emotionally. Talking about it and preparing for it ahead of time will set you up for a smoother transition.
It's important to know when you want to retire, how you want to spend your retirement, and how much those plans will cost.
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12. How much do you intend to send to charities?
Charitable giving should be a line item on everyone’s budget, even if you can only give a little at a time: 2-5% can make a major difference for someone in need.
Pick an issue you care about and set up an automatic monthly payment to the charity of your choice. Donate close to home, so you can see the direct impact on your community.
No matter how in tune you are with your partner, it's highly likely that some aspect of your financial vision won't completely line up, and that's OK. One of the most important parts of planning for a future together is being honest and talking openly about the toughest subjects.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture and all things to do with the entertainment industry.