The Psychologically Proven But 'Extremely Manipulative' Way To Get Someone To Agree To Anything
Why that 'no' is really a 'yes'.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock We like to think we make decisions based on logic, personal preference, or careful consideration — but what if the way a question is framed could subtly push us toward an answer without us even realizing it?
Psychological studies suggest that the way we phrase a request can dramatically impact the response we receive. One specific technique has been shown to increase the likelihood of getting someone to say “yes” without realizing they’ve agreed to something. Some call it clever persuasion, while others call it straight-up manipulation.
The psychologically proven but extremely manipulative way to get someone to agree to anything:
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TikTok Valentina Issler shared a method for convincing someone to agree:
Instead of asking a direct question that invites a yes or no answer, you flip the script, forcing the other person to deny opposition rather than express active interest.
It’s all about how the questions are positioned — essentially, asking a question with ‘no’ as a likely answer has a better potential outcome than asking questions with a high probability of a person saying ‘yes.’ It’s a subtle but powerful shift, and research backs up its effectiveness.
An example she provides is, “Would you mind going shopping with me?” The respondent feels compelled to decline since they have no reservations about joining you on a shopping trip. No specific date or time for a response was mentioned. The inquiry solely relates to your willingness to be or your openness to being in someone's company while at the store.
If you ask, “Do you want to go shopping?” Their answer will depend on their current circumstances. Once they confirm there’s no opposition, they’re likely to honor that unspoken commitment when the time comes.
Do negative questions increase the likelihood of gaining agreement?
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According to the TikTok video, negatively posing that question is shown to have better outcomes than phrasing it positively. But does that ring true? The short answer is yes.
The National Library of Medicine (NLM) shared a 2016 study on the impact of polarity in questions: positive vs. negative framing. The study found that implicit negative questions lead to more “no” responses or disagreements to the question at hand. In contrast, those questions with implicit “yes” answers have that expected outcome less frequently. So, people are much more likely to answer a negative question negatively.
Psychologically, this is a result of the ‘forbid’ or ‘allow’ tone of the questions as well as negativity bias: the idea that things of a more negative quality, like unpleasant emotions or events, impact people’s evaluations and processes more than things seen as ‘positive’ or ‘neutral.’ Negative contrasts tend to carry more meaning than their positive counterparts, making it more difficult to respond positively to a negative question than to respond negatively to a positive one.
People know exactly what they are against but may be more willing to change what they are for.
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The reason people are more apt to agree after a negative question is that they have a strong response to something they are against.
In the example above about going shopping, by asking if they are opposed to it, you force a person to consider whether or not they have a strong aversion to shopping or to being in your presence, both of which are easy “no” to them. So, you’ve inadvertently gained their agreement, and they must prove they have no issue with going.
The answer could have been less confident if you had asked them to go shopping right then and there. Factors like time, interest, motivation, money, etc., are to consider, making it a flip of the coin whether or not they are willing and ready to join you on your excursion. However, people-pleasers might agree whether they want to or not.
So, getting them to commit to not being against something is a good way to gain agreement without the person you’re talking to even knowing that they’ve just agreed. However, it could be construed as conniving and manipulative.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.