7 Subtle Signs Of A Person Who's Secretly Afraid Of Success, According To Research
They dream big but never take the leap — sound familiar?
Mikhail Nilov | pexels For a large portion of my life, I noticed a pattern. The more successful I was compared to the rest of the people around me, the worse I was treated by everyone.
Even my own family made it hard for me to connect with others and take time to just be a young adult. Eventually, I just associated success with being miserable and selling my soul for people to like me, only to never get what I wanted. I began to associate it with being picked apart.
It came to a head, but this is a real phenomenon. There are people out there who are secretly afraid of success because of the chance that they will be expected to do more or because of a history of trauma. It took years for me to overcome it.
Fear of success is more about the worry of how people react to you doing well rather than doing well itself — at least in most cases. But, how can you tell if someone is consciously or subconsciously afraid of success? If these subtle signs ring true for you, you may be afraid of success.
Here are the subtle signs of a person who's secretly afraid of success:
1. They hide their accomplishments
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The guy from Good Will Hunting reminds me of this. When he was a janitor at an Ivy League, his genius was only discovered after a professor caught him solving a problem that was allegedly unsolvable. (It may have been another movie, but it was based on a true story.)
There are a lot of people out there who are similar to that guy. One of the most brilliant artists I ever saw refused to show their work to anyone but close friends. I do not doubt that she could have made a fortune off her work. At times, this means they’ll go and post — but just refuse to show their face or use their real name.
2. They turn down opportunities that could greatly improve their life
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I remember when I offered a job connection to a friend of mine. He was a struggling writer, and I made the stupid mistake of introducing him to a friend of mine who needed writers.
I told my friend to expect a resume from him. A week later, no resume.
I asked why he didn’t do anything with the connection. He looked uncomfortable, searched for some words, and then said, "Well, I want a better job."
This man was working a minimum-wage job. This was an entry-level writing job that paid $10,000 more than that. It was local. He was not going to get any better with his qualifications, but it’d get his foot in the door.
Every other time I’d ask him to apply to something, it’d turn into another excuse. His cat was sick. He was too busy partying and didn’t want to give up the summer. His job left him too busy to apply. Excuse after excuse after excuse happened.
Truth be told, he didn’t want that job. He wanted to say that he tried but didn’t get the job. He wanted to make it look like he was making an effort.
He was terrified of actually having the chance to get the job and messed up after having succeeded at getting the job he wanted. A fear of success, or the reluctance to pursue opportunities due to the perceived burdens or negative consequences of achievement, can be a significant barrier to personal growth and fulfillment.
A 2020 study found that this fear can manifest as self-sabotage, procrastination, or avoidance behaviors. Gradually expose yourself to situations that trigger your fear of success, starting with small steps and working up to more challenging conditions.
3. They undersell themselves
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I think we all know people who lowball themselves. In many cases, it’s because they were taught to do so at a young age. However, there are moments where you can tell it’s not just a matter of being socialized to do something.
It’s hard to explain the difference, but it’s easy to see it in people. There’s a certain look of panic people who fear success get when they are offered what they deserve, rather than a lowball.
This is particularly true with titles. A person who is afraid of success will often wince at having a higher rank.
4. They sabotage themselves
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Sometimes, sabotaging goes beyond actively refusing jobs and opportunities that could better one’s lot. This is because success tends to mean different things to different people. However, I’ve noticed that their self-sabotage rarely ever sticks to just refusing to say no to stuff.
What do I mean? Well…
- It’s the person who pushes people away because they are afraid of being popular. Yes, this is a thing. People who do this are afraid of being "top of the food chain" because others may start to spread rumors about them or because people may get jealous.
- It’s the girl who seems to dress extra sloppily during a date. I’ve also seen people who seem to purposefully gain weight or even refuse to bathe when they are around people they deem attractive.
- It’s the person who is playing dumb. My friend who does art and tells no one also claims she doesn’t know who Picasso is. Coincidence? I think not.
- It’s the person who magically self-destructs right when things are going super well. I know more than one or two DJs who got so wasted that they couldn’t perform at their very first music festival. While they could be dealing with other things, it often is because they want to avoid their big break.
According to a 2020 study, self-sabotaging behaviors, including those related to appearance, can stem from a fear of success, which can stem from low self-esteem, a need to maintain control, or a fear of the unknown associated with achieving goals.
Early experiences can shape beliefs about success, and if someone grew up in an environment where achievement was discouraged or associated with adverse outcomes, they might develop a fear of success.
5. They can't handle the spotlight
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Fear of success is more about having a fear of how people will behave with you after you succeed. As a result, the number one thing that people with this fear hate is being in the spotlight — especially if it’s for something that one might envy.
If you (or someone you know) balks at the idea of being applauded by a whole room, you already know what this is. It’s a fear of success.
If they show off their talents, the person knows it could end up with a backlash or that they may have to leave others behind.
6. They were brought up to fear success
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Remember the old story about Icarus, the guy who made wings and flew too close to the sun? In the myth, Icarus died because he became too cocky about his wax wings.
Believe it or not, many people grow up hearing that they shouldn’t flaunt things, brag, or even stand out due to the fear of being torn down.
People who have a fear of success don’t just get it overnight in most cases. It’s from repeated trauma that happens because of the ways that people treated them when they started to show their talents to the world.
Sometimes, people are brought up to fear success — such as the kid whose mom would tell them not to wear flattering things out of fear of them being called "a whore."
If you were told, "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down," as a kid, then it makes sense that you would eventually fear sticking out in any situation.
Fear of success can be a significant issue, sometimes stemming from past trauma, and can manifest as avoidance of opportunities, self-sabotage, or difficulty internalizing successes. A 2013 study found that while high achievement can be a positive trait, it can also be a coping mechanism for trauma, with individuals striving for perfection to gain a sense of control and avoid feelings of vulnerability.
7. They are more concerned about other's opinions than the work that needs to be done to succeed
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A lot of these signs may be chalked up to laziness. You might be wondering what the main difference between being lazy and being afraid of success is. I mean, the symptoms look fairly similar — especially when it comes to turning down a job.
Here’s the big one: motivation. A lazy person will have no problem accepting praise, recognition, or a more famous job if the workload is the same.
A person who fears success will balk at anything that involves applause, a better title, or more opportunity, even when the workload will be the same.
So what do you do if you have a fear of success? It’s up to you. More often than not, the best thing to do is to confront it. Whether this means feeling the fear and doing it anyway, learning to stand up for yourself or even hitting up a therapist doesn’t matter.
What matters is that you start recognizing that this is hurting you and it needs to stop. You deserve success.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.