Want To Be More Comfortable In Your Own Skin? 4 Things You Haven't Tried Yet
Comparison culture got you down on yourself? Don't worry, you can feel good in your own skin again with these 4 mindful tips.
Chinnapong, Moppet, JLco - Julia Amaral | Canva Celebrating ourselves is not always something we feel is necessary. The expression "Be yourself, everyone else is taken" may seem silly, but it's the only real truth. We might have wished to be someone else by either living their life or certain aspects of it. Maybe their hair, clothing, house, or darling dog are "much better" than yours.
Most of the time, these thoughts simply pass. Occasionally, you may have disturbing thoughts about wanting to be someone else. Being satisfied with yourself can become quite a chore, instead of a pleasure.
Fortunately, there are ways to feel whole in your own skin, so you never wish to be someone else.
Here are four tried-and-tested ways to get be more comfortable with who you are
1. Take selfies, lots of selfies.
The power of the selfie is a modern-day miracle. Remember the days when you couldn't take your own picture? You had to pose, wait, and ask someone to take your picture.
Sometimes, you discover the angle of the picture was awful! You think, "No one should ever be allowed to see this picture!"
Now, no one has to be dependent on someone else taking their picture. You can take your own, get the angle exactly right, and enjoy the results.
The selfie camera has given us rights we never had before — and there's even more bounty.
We can carry our cellphones anywhere with us, make notes, use easy maps to guide us, and even keep a spoken or visual diary of our outings.
We are independent in a new way that never existed before, and the selfie has become a way to express our self love and independence.
2. Learn about family history anyway you can.
Did you ever try to learn about your great-grandparents 40 years ago? It was hard, especially if your family tree contains immigrants who were undocumented, or who were vicitms of the Atlantic slave trade. Often, we have to give up searching, or we pay someone to do a genealogy search for us.
Now, with a speck of our DNA and a search tool like one of the ancestry products, we can find and be found by relatives who have unique stories to add to what we know about our family history.
Often, genealogy sites have pictures and family trees already established. It's amazing!
So far, I've met — via zoom, phone, or in-person — a number of cousins, and I’m amazed and delighted by the stories they shared. Knowing about other family members fills our sense of value as a human being.
We were not just dropped here. We are connected to people of the past.
People like one of my grandmothers who crossed Europe to run from war and poverty and finally get to the United States. She had with her three little girls, her candlesticks, and some personal items. Not much else.
Crossing the continent was hard, but even harder may have been steerage class in a rocking boat with three small girls. Yet, when she finally landed, she got down on her knees and kissed the earth. It meant that much to her to be in the United States!
Wow, and I have some of her genes! Talk about a boost of self-esteem!
3. Spend time to further recognize and reclaim your "Enchanted Self".
It's great to find out your heritage and the strengths you may have inherited. It's even more powerful to truly recognize your current strengths and talents.
Think about yourself. Even during the pandemic and all its challenges, you displayed lots of strength and talents. The proof is you are here and reading this right now!
What things have you done? Don't think about what you haven't done. Choose to look at yourself sunny side up.
Have you boosted someone else’s mood? Have you cooked something special?
Have you been in touch with friends, or checked in on neighbors? Have you cared for others? Have you kept working in service to others?
If you're honest with yourself, there's a diamond inside of you. Don't ignore that — it is your ticket to your Enchanted Self.
4. Respect yourself.
When you recognize how unique, special, and talented, you are — in small or large ways — you don’t put yourself down as much. You respect and see yourself as a whole human being who is trying the best you can.
You see yourself as valuable enough that it's important to take care of yourself — medically, mentally, physically, etc.
You deserve to eat healthily and have pleasure in life. You have the confidence to apologize and make something right, if you can. You realize you can be helpful in this work, whether what you offer is big or small.
Lastly, you realize how good you feel when you stay connected, try to be helpful, respect others, offer your talents, and give feelings of hope and love wherever you can.
Hey, guess what? Your Enchanted Self is flourishing.
Who else would you want to be? Am I taken? Yes, I am taken. I am taken by myself, and it's great!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is a positive psychologist, a best-selling author, and an award-winning Selfie Filmmaker focusing on coming-of-age issues for girls and women. She is also a noted podcaster. Many of her shows and interviews can be found on YouTube and Vimeo.