5 Reasons Why Independence In A Relationship Is Both Healthy And Sexy
Independence is the key to keeping your love alive.
getty For couples, independence is actually one of the most important and healthy parts of a successful and long-lasting relationship.
Do you and your partner have these personality traits, or does your relationship still suffer from co-dependency issues?
When people are in a romantic relationship, they naturally lose themselves in the beginning. This means they temporarily forget where they like to eat, what they like to read, what music they listen to, or shows they binge-watch on Netflix.
Part of the reason this happens is due to dopamine, also known as the “feel-good hormone," that's released when you're around the person you have fallen in love with.
You tend to lose your independence during this time period. One example of this would be not communicating your wants or needs with your partner for fear of causing trouble between the two of you.
While you're on this love vacation with another person, you must remind yourself that your first love is you. You must reel it in and regain your independence while maintaining codependency.
Yes, that sounds like a tightrope act. Ideally, relationships are a give and take of codependency and independency.
But here are 5 reasons why independence in a relationship is healthy and sexy, and why you need to start implementing it now.
1. Love yourself.
Simply put, love yourself.
Yes, you’ve seen this statement time and time again, but it bears repeating until every person loves who they are, what they believe, and feel. You are a one-of-a-kind person, and yes, you deserved to be loved.
2. Don’t forget what you did prior to the relationship.
Don’t be so engulfed by the relationship that you lose yourself. The healthy option is to maintain the routines and rituals you had prior to your relationship, whether that's a girls' night, boys night, or going to the gym.
Maintaining this individuality and independence is beneficial to you. Going to the gym or having a friend's night out reminds you what is important to you, and it rejuvenates you.
3. Practice your communication.
Communication is key with yourself and your partner. When you're angry over something your partner did, make sure it's truly what they did or said versus baggage you may be carrying around from a past relationship.
Your current relationship cannot fix past relationship mistakes. Speak openly and honestly. Being independent means you own your thoughts and feelings.
4. Talk about your sexual desires outside of the bedroom.
A strong person discusses what they like and dislike about sex. Many people find it sexy when a person knows what they like and don’t like in the bedroom and can easily talk about it.
Do not presume your partner will be all-knowing on the subject. Have a safe word you both can use if you both try a new sex act that may make you uncomfortable.
Most clinical sexologists agree that when discussing anything good or bad about sex, do it outside the bedroom. The bedroom should be a safe haven for the relationship, sex, and sleep — not arguments.
5. Trust your feelings.
Remember to trust your feelings. Independence cannot happen unless you're willing to put your needs first. Putting your needs first means that your words and actions (thoughts and feelings) match.
When they contradict each other is when trouble brews within you. Being in a relationship is an enhancement to you, but it doesn’t define you.
Independence in a relationship is both healthy and sexy. By exercising this understanding every day, you'll show confidence and ensuring a happier overall relationship.
Jennifer McBlaine, Ph.D., is a clinical sexologist, a licensed therapist, and a diplomate of the American Board of Sexology.