5 Ways Long-Term Couples In Healthy Relationships Stay Happy, According To Research
Create the conditions for reciprocal love to flourish.
Kolbakova Olga / Shutterstock Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is much more difficult. Keeping the fire burning is something very special. A relationship is not just physical intimacy, passionate kisses, tight hugs, touching confessions, or long evening walks under the stars.
It’s the everyday work of each partner and continuous self-improvement for the sake of being together.
Some people say they would prefer a short affair to a long-term relationship. But, if you truly love your partner, you will want to know how to keep a long-term relationship, but there is no single recipe for a successful relationship.
Luckily, using the experience of other couples, psychologists managed to develop a list of some valuable pieces of advice to help you make your long-term soulmate happy.
Here are 5 ways long-term couples in healthy relationships stay happy, according to research:
1. They show their love
The feeling of love is expressed not in words, but in actions. It doesn’t mean you should catch the star for your lover or follow them everywhere like a caring parent. Simple support when dealing with mundane things is a great sign of your love.
Ask your partner what they need the most and cannot accomplish right now. Then, think about how you can support them in this situation.
- If your partner is a student, help them with their studies.
- If they work a lot, arrange leisure time together.
- If they need to visit a doctor, go to the clinic together.
Any relevant help or support from you will make your partner feel loved, safe, and happy, which is key to a long-term relationship, as shown by research in The Family Journal.
2. They keep the flirting alive
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Flirting is one of the main drivers of long-term relationships. Just like the flower cannot blossom and grow without water and the sun, you cannot build a solid long-lasting relationship without constant flirting.
Flirting gives positive energy and strengthens your love. So, things like spontaneous gifts, compliments, love messages, or flirting over text should be present in couples’ everyday lives.
It will distract you from the monotonous daily routine and help you focus on each other.
3. They make time together a priority
Despite being completely engaged in work, child care, or domestic chores, you should always find extra time to spend together. All these outside factors can threaten your long-lasting relationship, as they gradually create a huge distance between couples.
Try to spend a day or a night out together at least once in two weeks. Research in Leisure Sciences Journal supported this as a perfect way for you to concentrate on your partner’s identity and reinforce your feelings towards each other.
Keep in mind a relationship requires a recharge to be able to function for many years, and spending time together is the most appropriate way to refresh your connection.
4. They respect each other
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Many old couples admit that mutual respect is the basis of love. No matter how strong your feelings are, a long-term relationship will break up quickly if you don’t respect each other, as explored by a series of studies in Personal Relationships, Journal.
The mental comfort of partners is essential to keep relationships long, so to help develop mutual respect, never argue in public. You can criticize each other’s behavior or some personal traits but always do it face-to-face and in a calm and friendly conversation.
Aways remember criticism about your partner should be relevant, adequate, and most importantly, not frequent.
Jealousy is another important sign of disrespect that can significantly threaten your relationship. You shouldn’t suspect your partner is cheating if you’ve never caught them red-handed or haven’t got any proof. The groundless accusation is a clear indication there is a gap in trust, understanding, and respect.
"Relationships deteriorate when they become a battle of wills. Your relationship should be a haven of safety and support, not a battleground in enemy territory. And the fact you put your relationship before needing to be correct all the time shows that you've found a keeper," advised psychotherapist Heather Hans.
5. They don't try to change their partner
All people are unique and have their strengths and weaknesses. It’s fine to motivate your partner to become better because relationships should foster mental growth, not degradation. But, you should tolerate each other’s imperfections.
Don’t force your partners to get rid of the traits that are parts of their identity. For example, if your partner is laughing too loud in your company or is obsessed with their hobbies, try to respect some of their habits and interests.
By allowing your lover to stay the way they are, you can foster open and honest communication between you, as explored by a study in Contemporary Family Therapy. This tip is a valuable answer to the question of how to maintain a long-term relationship.
Let’s acknowledge that people want others to accept their identities, interests, and desires. If you respect and tolerate your partner, they will treat you the same way.
Christine Day is a writer who focuses on relationships, love, and marriage. She has been featured in Medium, The Good Men Project, Napa Valley Register, The Advocate (Baton Rouge, LA), Missoulian, and more.