6 Common Things Adults Don't Realize They Do That Turn Them Into Bitter, Unhappy People
You deserve more than this, and the sun is shining even if you can't see it.
Andres Ayrton | Pexels Sometimes life gets so bogged down, that it can be hard to see the point. When we give in to that kind of hopelessness, it not only affects us but those around us. Misery loves company, mainly because it never has guests. Allowing yourself to be bitter is bad for your health and your future.
You stop developing internal resources of happiness and strength. It is a self-propagating cycle. Negative things keep happening to you because that's all you set yourself up for. Below are the common traits of people with a cynical and bitter mentality. Once you know the traits to look for, you can avoid becoming this type of person.
Here are six things adults don't realize they do that make them bitter, unhappy people:
1. They keep track of all the ways they've been wronged
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When people go through life lugging around all the ways they have been wronged, not only does it eat up energy and time, but it keeps the mental and emotional focus on negative aspects. Their mindset becomes negative, pinpointed on all the wrong things.
Because you can't change what has happened, the most productive course of action is to learn from that situation and move on. That's what healthy, happy people do — they leave the past behind and keep going, despite any setbacks thrown their way.
According to research reported by the Association for Psychological Science, thinking about revenge creates intense activity in the area of the brain that processes rewards. Yet behavioral scientists have found that acting on the impulse for revenge doesn't make people feel better because it only intensifies their initial sense of hurt.
But bitter people hold on to grudges and are vindictive. They hold on to the past so it doesn't happen again or because "it keeps things in perspective." But letting go doesn't mean you forgive or forget, it just means you aren't focusing on it or letting it rule you.
2. They use drama to get attention
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Misery loves company, and to get "company," a bitter person will cause scenes and disturbances out in public. They use drama to gain attention or build the illusion of respect and empathy from others. They thrive when the spotlight is on them.
Dr. Seth Meyers, a clinical psychologist, has found that "attention is like a drug for attention seekers — they will do whatever they have to do to get it." In a relationship, these individuals frustrate their social circle and cause frequent arguments.
"This type of attention seeker tends to be loud or boisterous. They constantly make jokes, act sassy, or say something cute or provocative, Meyers explained. "This type of man or woman can be fun for a night, but their romantic partners often get frustrated."
But to avoid becoming a bitter, unhappy individual, it's essential to let your actions and character do the talking for you. Energy spent on gaining momentary recognition could be better spent on nurturing inner resources.
3. They're not happy when their friends succeed
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Jealousy is one of the most productive traits a person can foster, but it is also one of the ugliest. For bitter individuals, they have no problem expressing how jealous they are of someone else, whether it's the way this person looks or something they have.
While most people are envious of someone or something at one point or another, they make it a point to remind themselves of what they have, reflecting inward and showing gratitude. Unfortunately, bitter people don't operate the same way.
To avoid becoming an unhappy person that others don't want to be around, be happy that the people around you are doing well. To say that your need is greater or more deserving than another's is highly assumptive and does nothing to benefit anyone.
If you want something, work towards achieving it. Wishing and hating do nothing to help you achieve goals; it just breeds negativity in your heart.
4. Their mindset is persistently cynical
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Life can be a rough experience. Sometimes it may seem like your life is nothing more than trial after trial, challenge after challenge, a cycle of picking yourself up just to get knocked down again.
Certain aspects of life have let bitter people down, and instead of doing the work to improve themselves, they sink into a jaded mindset, fed up with the hand they were dealt.
Jaded people can become bitter by developing a persistent negative mindset. In this mindset, they dwell on past disappointments and perceived injustices, building resentment and a cynical outlook on life. According to the American Psychological Association, repeated negative experiences and cynicism become a self-perpetuating cycle that fuels bitterness.
But if we don't actively resist this feeling, we can build a natural resistance to positive expectations. We may begin to think that past events and scenarios will pan out the same every time.
Being jaded doesn't protect anyone, it closes you off from the world and its possibilities. Being cynical sets up an environment to breeds suffering.
Remember that any expectation is a poor choice in energy and that every new moment has untapped potential. Stay open to the universe's possibilities and don't lose your hope for the future.
5. They focus on all the negatives, never the positives
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We have the power to manifest our desires and thoughts. Staying focused on negative elements and believing that is the only truth will make that a reality. For bitter people, this is exactly what happens.
They feed unproductive formations in their mind and heart and, as such, those formations grow and gain more influence. But any energy you give those negative thoughts detracts from the positive ones.
To avoid becoming an unhappy, bitter person, remember that you get what you put into life, so feeding negativity will breed negativity. It can be a hard cycle to break, but that change begins within us.
Acknowledge the bad and be grateful for its lessons. Smile at it and let go. Always leave room for new and beautiful elements in your heart and life.
Writer Maria Popova happens to be one of those people. In her critical appraisal of Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck’s collection of work and ideas, she noticed that people with a fixed mindset had a firm disposition towards believing that their ideal partners would put them on a throne to make them feel perfect and flawless.
6. They hang around with other bitter, unhappy people
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Some people might like the Debbie Downer types, but almost no one willingly and knowingly interacts with people who are bitter and unhappy in the long term — except for other bitter and unhappy people. Why? Because misery loves company.
Higher Perspective seeks to bring together like-minded individuals focused on personal growth and expanding their consciousness. We can be better to our planet, better to our brothers and sisters, and better to ourselves.