14 Personality Traits Of People Who Aren't Emotionally Attractive
If you're wondering why you're single, it might be because of your emotional intelligence.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Though it’s supposedly rare, everyone has met someone who was breathtakingly stunning but perpetually single. While people often wonder how they’re single, the answer soon becomes very apparent, very quickly.
It’s their personality. And there’s a good handful of personality traits that make people unattractive. Here are some of the biggest offenders that have ended any interest fast.
Here are 14 personality traits of people who aren't emotionally attractive:
1. Rage
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Anger is not attractive, despite what romance novels and thrillers may have you believe. Most people find anger to be downright terrifying and one of the biggest love repellents on the planet.
A 2017 review of literature by Frontiers in Psychology states that anger is probably one of the most debated in its functional and affective meaning, especially in human beings. Behaviors accompanied by anger and rage serve many different purposes, and the symbolic and cultural framework and social contexts often define the nuances of aggressive behaviors.
2. Entitlement
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Nothing quite says that you’ve got issues like expecting things to just fall into your lap or expecting special treatment because you’re “such a nice guy.” Among people looking for love, this often signals that you’re an emotionally stunted mess with no self-awareness.
3. Immaturity
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No one likes being used, disrespected, and feeling led on. If you throw tantrums, pout, and act like a jerk, you will not get many people who would want you as a long-term lover. The National Domestic Violence Hotline states that if you are in a relationship with a person who displays emotional immaturity, you may have seen and experienced behaviors and traits associated with the condition.
These relationships can be emotionally draining and difficult because issues are not resolved. You may often feel unhappy, lonely, and unsure about the relationship's future. In some cases, anger outbursts or other behaviors associated with emotional immaturity can fall under the category of emotional abuse.
4. Awkwardness
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Your social skills are a lot like a muscle you’d use. When you work out your social skills by talking to others and learning about others, you become less awkward. When you stay solo, your social skills tend to atrophy.
By going out and talking to others regularly, you can smooth this issue out. Unfortunately, being too awkward can make it hard for some people to be into you in the meantime.
5. Negativity
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Though misery loves company, no one wants to be around a miserable person for too long. If you’re constantly negative and crapping all over anything positive, then you’re going to be single for a very, very long time.
It is commonly known from the literature that Machiavellian individuals have negative attitudes toward people and world affairs, as stated in a 2018 study. They are distrustful of the intentions of others, and they get cautiously involved in interpersonal interactions and take risks only if they do not have any severe negative consequences. It is also a fact that few ventures in life potentially involve as much insecurity and personal vulnerability as establishing and maintaining close relationships.
6. Desperation
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Does anything quite say “unhinged” and “unattractive” as desperation? Probably not. No one wants to be with a desperate person, not even other desperate people. A 2018 study found that humans tend to need social connections strongly as a social species. However, there are individual differences in how socially connected one needs to be to feel fulfilled and in how aversive the threat or loss of critical social bonds is.
The negative emotions one experiences when one’s needs for social connection, either quantitatively or qualitatively, are not met (e.g., sadness, frustration, sorrow, shame, desperation) are called loneliness.
7. Instability
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This is a sad personality trait because it’s not always the person’s fault that they are unstable. But the sad thing fact is that people tend to like to be with others who are stable, secure, and capable of being easily predicted. Mental, emotional, or even financial instability is often what keeps people who would otherwise be coupled up alone.
8. Immorality
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Some people might like the “bad boy” types, but almost no one willingly and knowingly dates people who are immoral and unethical for the long term. Why? Because there’s no saying that they won’t do something horrible to you, too.
Moral cognitions and moral behavior differ vastly. This discrepancy can also be found in romantic relationships: In 2022, in a Gallup poll, 89% of Americans rated having an affair as immoral, indicating a societal consensus that betraying one's partner is wrong. Nevertheless, infidelity is committed often.
9. Neediness
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Ever have a date who is really needy? Or, just, really dependent on you for everything? It’s not attractive. At all. And it makes both men and women run away fast.
10. Insecurity
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Everyone is insecure to a point, but there’s a limit to how insecure you can be while still being attracted. If you act out due to insecurity, you can rest assured that it’s most likely what’s keeping you single.
A 2020 study from the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health found that a partner’s security should signal whether it is safe to commit to relationships. Partners’ insecurity heightens the risk of hurt and rejection that likely undermines commitment, whereas partners’ security signals the potential for a promising, stable relationship that may promote commitment. Moreover, based on increasing evidence that partners play an essential role in bolstering security, partners’ relative security may mitigate the effects of actors’ insecurity.
11. Overbearing
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People who insist on being the loudest, most domineering person in a relationship are not charismatic. They’re often very overbearing and very manipulative, and most people can smell that from a mile away. As a result, this personality issue often keeps people single.
12. Negativity
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This trait can come in a lot of different forms — misandry, misogyny, and the idea that a great career entitles you to intimacy. The list goes on and on. Unfortunately, some beliefs get so ingrained into a person’s subconscious that they start to base a huge amount of their actions on them. This can make them repulsive.
The fundamental laws of mindset are adaptable to virtually all other aspects of life. One area we most commonly overlook is relationships, which some people think holds far more profound implications.
Writer Maria Popova happens to be one of those people. In her critical appraisal of Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck’s collection of work and ideas, she noticed that people with a fixed mindset had a firm disposition towards believing that their ideal partners would put them on a throne to make them feel perfect and flawless.
13. Egotism
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If you’ve ever met someone who seemed to think that they are way better than you, then you already know how unattractive this can be. No one wants to date a person whose arrogance makes them feel like they’re just not enough to please them. No one wants a selfish brat, either. As a result, this is unattractive on the highest of levels.
14. Nothingness
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This is what I call the personality trait which results in no motivation, no hobbies, and nothing outside of a relationship. Motivation, passion, and other interests are attractive. If you have none of that, don’t expect to get coupled up.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.