7 Low-Key Clues Someone’s Settling For Basic When They Should Be Thriving
Don't let mediocrity hold you back from the big life and love you deserve.
Leonor Oom | Unsplash It’s easy to settle into a basic life or fall into a pattern of mediocrity without even realizing it. Life’s routines have a funny way of lulling us into a comfortable but uninspired state. But here’s the thing: there are telltale signs of life settling for less than it could be, and they show up in ways we don’t always recognize.
Choosing to challenge mediocrity doesn’t mean turning your world upside down overnight. It’s about making small, intentional changes that add up over time. According to research from East Tennessee State University, each behavior you let go of clears space for something better—more fulfillment, purpose, and the excitement of living up to your potential.
Here are low-key clues someone's settling for basic when they should be thriving:
1. Your partner gives you crumbs of love
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock
These crumbs of love aren't enough, and you or your partner constantly feel as if something is missing ... as if either one of you has to beg for affection and love.
Being breadcrumbed — receiving intermittent, superficial attention and affection without commitment — can lead to feelings of loneliness, helplessness, and reduced life satisfaction, potentially impacting trust and emotional well-being. A 2020 study recommended establishing clear boundaries and expectations for the relationship and not tolerating inconsistent or manipulative behavior.
2. You constantly make up and break up with your partner
Studio Romantic / Shutterstock
The two of you threaten divorce and then make up more times than either of you can count. It's more dramatic than a soap opera!
The on-again, off-again relationship cycle can lead to emotional and psychological distress, including lower relationship satisfaction, uncertainty, and difficulty in communication. A 2018 study recommended building a fulfilling life outside of the relationship, which can reduce reliance on the partner and the relationship.
3. You spend a lot of time wondering if everyone's life is like this
NDAB Creativity / Shutterstock
If you're wondering if your marriage is normal ... well, perhaps it's not. If you spend a lot of time comparing your marriage to others, it is not only a bad habit to get into and destructive, but it may also be because you're so unhappy and don't understand why.
4. You wait hand and foot on your partner
Gorodenkoff / Shutterstock
Whether it's waiting for your spouse to show up or metaphorically waiting on your partner's hand and foot, you're not in a happy marriage.
Consistently waiting for a partner, especially when it involves unmet expectations or emotional needs, can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, and dissatisfaction within a relationship, potentially causing it to falter. A 2021 study explained that making someone wait can violate the social contract and that people should stick to time commitments, damaging trust, and respect within the relationship.
5. You have a million regrets
Dmytro Zinkevych / Shuteerstock
You have a million regrets about your marriage. Instead of thinking about real-life strategies to make it better at this point, you just wish it were different, but you know it's not. You know deep inside that you are unhappily married.
Wishing your partner was different is a common experience, often stemming from unmet needs or expectations. A 2023 study explained that it's essential to approach these feelings with empathy and understanding, focusing on communication and understanding individual differences rather than demanding change.
6. You're happier when your partner's not around
Perfect Wave / Shutterstock
You live for alone time. You envision the future without your spouse but never say this to him or her. You feel single, even though you certainly aren't.
7. Your daily mood is sad, depressed and distracted
fizkes / Shutterstock
Your friends and family hate seeing you this way. They notice how unhappy you are. People hate seeing you settle. Even if you start to acknowledge your depressive state about your marriage, you feel trapped and hopeless.
There is a strong connection between daily marital interactions and mood, with marital discord and negative interactions linked to decreased mood and increased risk of depression. In contrast, a 2023 study found that positive interactions and collaborative coping can improve daily mood and relationship satisfaction.
Laura Lifshitz is a former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate writing about divorce, intimacy, women’s issues, fitness, parenting, and marriage. Her work has been featured on YourTango, New York Times, DivorceForce, Women’s Health, Working Mother, Pop Sugar, and more.