5 Gentle Clues Your Child Could Use A Bit More Support From You
How your child acts when they're too scared to ask for help.
Nima Sarram | Unsplash By Gene Del Vecchio
A PEW Research Center study once revealed that 70% of the public feels it is more difficult to be a mother today than it was 20 or 30 years prior. The key challenges cited for raising a child were societal (i.e. substance abuse, peer pressure, TV/internet/movies, etc). The study also cited the immense importance of good parenting (i.e. teaching morals, discipline, and manners).
Because of these challenges, many agree that children are more unruly today than ever before.
Though raising a child today is tough, I strongly believe that all of us, parents and otherwise, must take responsibility for ensuring that children are not brought up to be unruly. I believe that children ages 4 to 8 are in particular danger of becoming such due to their impressionable age, and so I’ve written a picture book for children that teaches lessons about morals and manners.
More on that later, because I would first like to identify the signs that your child has become unruly…and by another name…a brat.
Here are 5 gentle clues your child could use a bit more support from you
1. Your child uses foul, four-letter words more than you do
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It's not funny anymore when your 10-year-old swears. While research doesn't definitively state that a child using foul language always signifies a need for increased parental support, it can indicate underlying issues like emotional distress, seeking attention, or mimicking others, which parents should address with understanding and appropriate guidance.
2. You asked your child at least three times to do a chore yet it remains undone
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When he finally starts it incorrectly (on purpose), you do it yourself, knowing deep inside that you are perpetuating his behavior. Children might not feel a sense of ownership or importance in the chores assigned to them, viewing them as simply 'your' tasks rather than contributing to the family. An article by Cornell University found that some children might lack the necessary skills or confidence to perform certain chores effectively, leading to frustration and avoidance.
3. Your child gets an “F” in math
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He immediately blames everyone else, including his teacher for not teaching, his classmates for making too much noise, his dog for peeing on his homework, and you for not hiring an expensive tutor as caring parents do.
4. You and your son get called to the principal’s office after school
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On your way through the halls, you suddenly notice that frightened children part like the Red Sea to let your child pass. A call to the principal's office could indicate various issues, such as academic difficulties, behavioral problems, or social challenges. A 2011 review found that sometimes, the issue is not a lack of parental support but a specific situation requiring attention.
5 You catch her in at least three lies per week
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You realize why she no longer looks you in the eye when she speaks…ever. You might be thinking that I am being harsh. No one wants to think of their child as a brat. I get that.
It’s always someone else’s kid who is the brat. Right? And some of you might even think that it’s not nice for me to label a child a “brat.”
It amounts to name-calling. After all, in today’s society, we strive to find nice words for not-nice things, like when a salesman calls a “used car” a “pre-owned vehicle.”
But according to Merriam-Webster, a brat is an ill-mannered, annoying child. By that standard, I think the term “brat” is more descriptive than it is derogatory. I think decades of brats being brats gave the name “brat” a bad reputation. We should bring it back.
But instead of using the term “brat”, many parents today prefer to think of their child as overly rambunctious, a tad hyperactive, slightly misunderstood, or a bit outspoken, or as a restless genius. Some will blame bad behavior on a medical ailment like the mysterious and suddenly widespread attention deficit disorder.
I certainly understand that some children do, indeed, have a medical condition, but ADD/ADHD is used with such frequency as an explanation for misbehavior that it defies logic. Even the experts tell us that it can be difficult to distinguish between attention deficit disorder and normal kid behavior. I suspect that there is an abundance of parents who would prefer to medicate their children rather than admit that they raised brats.
Their inattention or laziness should not be so easily explained away with convenient medical jargon. I believe that misbehaviors should have consequences that matter.
I don’t believe in being my kid’s best friend if it means he grows up ill-mannered, rude, and manipulative. This simple belief has helped my kids grow into fine adults…so far.
I believe in tough parenting. Make rules and stick to them. Don’t waffle. Don’t let big things slide. Children should not be allowed to lie, cheat, steal, and the like with impunity.
To help other parents prevent their children from becoming brats in this challenging world, here is a picture book for children titled BetterNot! and the Tale of Bratsville – Teaching Morals and Manners, it’s about a town filled with naughty children whose actions awaken a magical creature named BetterNot who rushes to teach children valuable lessons in ways that fit their misbehaviors. Think of him as a cross between the boogeyman and Willy Wonka, but one who actually reforms all the naughty children.
I’m sure your child is an angel and doesn’t need the book, but you might be tempted to send a copy to your sister who is raising that little demon nephew of yours. My goal is not to sell a million books, though I would like to sell more books than I give away; if you are a writer you know what I mean. So my more achievable goal is to prevent at least one child from becoming a brat and tossing eggs at your house.
That’s my little contribution to society…my way of helping parents raise children who are not my own.
Today’s parents need help. A bratty four-year-old child today may become a bratty forty-year-old adult. That bratty adult may be responsible for deciding if you, the parent, live your final years in the delightful comfort of your own home or get shoved into a dilapidated home for the elderly.
Think about that the next time your child would rather go to a concert than stay at home to nurse you back to health after your heart transplant.
Gene Del Vecchio is an author, entertainment consultant, and previously Adjunct Professor at USC Marshall School of Business.
