5 Behaviors That Make A Man Immediately Disinterested, According To Psychology
We often think we are showing affection, but actually are pushing him away.
Joaquín Corbalán | Canva When we fall in love with a man and want a relationship with him, it's normal to worry that if we don't show enough interest, he might get the wrong message and drift away.
We want to make sure the guy knows just how much we like him — and especially want to know how to make him interested in a relationship with us long-term.
Here are five behaviors that make a man immediately disinterested:
1. Overpursuing him
At best, when a man feels even a little bit pursued, he’ll feel he doesn’t have to work so hard to win you over and will immediately drop his efforts. At worse, he'll start to feel more than just "pursued" — he might start to feel annoyed.
If you keep checking in with him in all those "friendly" little ways (that Mario Mikulincer, Ph.D. demonstrates are really about getting the reassurance you need), he’ll start to get that "chased feeling." And then he'll do what any of us would do when feeling crowded, smothered, or pressured: He'll start pulling away.
2. Touching base too frequently
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Whether we realize it or not, the urge to do these friendly things comes from just one place — our fear of losing a man by failing to let him know we’re interested in him, as explored by Geraldine Downey, Ph.D. But we couldn’t be more wrong by giving in to this fear or be in worse danger of scaring a man off for good.
3. Dropping by his house unannounced
This type of "chasing" behavior is like an alarm going off for a man. It not only sends him the message that you're insecure in yourself, it sends him an overly aggressive vibe that makes him feel uncomfortable, even trapped.
4. Asking him repeatedly how he feels about you or your relationship
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The Handbook of Interpersonal Commitment and Relationship Stability suggests attachment processes and commitment to romantic relationships can make your insecurity less attractive to him and make sure he won't feel inspired to explore getting closer. After all, you're interfering with his chance to learn how he feels about the "real" you. Sooner or later, he’ll lose interest — and then start looking for a chance to escape.
5. Behaving like the social director of the relationship
At first glance, this might seem completely harmless. You may feel that he'll just see you as being friendly, maybe even take it as a compliment and want to get closer to you. But this makes it seem like you're the one chasing him and shifts you into a masculine role, which could be scaring him away. Your overly attentive behaviors could set off his internal alarms, as supported by a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
So, what's the secret to making a man fall in love and want to be in a relationship with you? Lure him, don't chase him. I know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man take the lead. We want him to know we’re interested in him. We want to make it easy for him to ask us out again. We want to seem enthusiastic and easy-going.
But the only way to really make sure that a man feels inspired to do everything in his power to get closer to you is to make sure that he feels happy and good around you.
To do this, give him the breathing space and the opportunities he needs to start pleasing you. As long as you seem happy and show him how much you enjoy his company, a man will always keep coming back for more.
Best of all, when he sees that you are a woman who is secure in herself and doesn't need to pursue him, he'll step up his game to make sure another man doesn't beat him to the chase!
So, let him take the lead while you continue to be receptive to him. It will powerfully fuel his passion for you. He will adore you and appreciate you for it.
Better yet, you'll be able to relax in the knowledge that you have become that rare, irresistible, highly desirable creature he’s been looking for — and that he'd be a fool to take you for granted.
Rori Raye is a relationship coach who's helped thousands of women transform their love lives.