7 Subtle Behaviors That Are Highly Attractive To Most People
It can be as simple as talking less and listening more.
Eliza Alves | Canva Years of awkwardly bumbling through social situations and saying dumb stuff have prompted me to take a keen interest in human behavior.
These are some things I’ve picked up that apply to the world of attraction.
Here are 7 subtle behaviors that are highly attractive to most people:
1. Demonstrating listening
When you watch people in conversations, if you happen to be eavesdropping, most people are not listening. They are just kind of listening. But, most of all, they are thinking about the next thing to say — either because they like the sound of their voice or because they are trying to be impressive. Neither is particularly attractive.
People who occasionally repeat what is said, or really put in the effort to listen deeply, and demonstrate it, set themselves apart.
There is a stronger sense of connection. Often, this interaction is unforgettable for the speaker, who feels more heard than anyone they’ve ever met.
2. Being unattached to outcomes
This is another way of saying don’t be needy.
Being attached to things working out in a certain way, with a specific result, just the way you want it is precisely what neediness is. Neediness is rarely not creepy because it indicates you have few options in your life. People are attracted to people with choices.
If you react with disappointment to a rejected request or are visibly reliant on someone’s agreement, you signal an uptightness and neediness that is unattractive.
Let go of the need for anything to be a certain way. Create options for yourself and show that you need nothing, even if you want it.
3. Light teasing
The majority of people try to be nice and avoid rocking the boat or causing offense.
Most people are too intent on being liked to try anything as far out as teasing. But light, appropriate teasing after you’ve gotten to know someone a little demonstrates comfort in your own skin.
Frightened people who overemphasize their sense of self never tease. So teasing is a fun, playful act demonstrating confidence and a willingness to lose should offense be caused. This is attractive.
4. Talking less
Especially if you’re a man, saying less isn’t anti-social unless you say nothing.
Withholding on talking does a couple of things…
It often creates more room for more talking in the other person, which subtly puts them lower on the social hierarchy.
I’m sorry, I don’t make up the rules, and this isn’t a hard and fast rule. Talking more creates the perception that you are a little more on edge and out of control. Nuances here, obviously.
Secondly, when we talk less, we don’t reveal all, likely creating unanswered intrigue. Do you think being intriguing is unattractive or not?
5. Saying what most are too afraid to say
Like teasing, being vocal about things that most people are not saying is edgy. You are opening yourself up to criticism when you venture into topics of discussion that few dare to touch.
I’m not talking about opening up a can of worms around inappropriate and hugely controversial issues.
There is always an edge — a grey area — surrounding polite social conversation. Attractive people tend to go to those edges, be it innuendo, a little more bluntness than is expected, revealing one’s flaws, and so on. This sets them apart.
It is brave and will often be polarising and draw certain people to you in powerful ways.
6. Giving without expectation
Here’s why self-proclaimed "nice guys," for example, often grow to be resentful and tired of being disrespected, despite spending their entire lives relentlessly giving: they give with expectation.
They feign "niceness" as part of their strategy for getting things they want. But the people around them feel it in their gut and respond accordingly.
Giving without expecting anything in return will bring you relief and endless rewards. It is also rare and thus attractive.
7. Being fractionally slower
If you can speak, move, and respond a little slower than those around you, this sends a signal. You are not as rushed. You are a little calmer. You have that little extra faith that things will be ok. This is a high-status trait. You are the lion who rushes for no one.
This kind of behavior is mysterious and may raise interesting internal questions. Why is this person so chill?
Questions and mystery lead to … you guessed it … attraction.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.