3 Common Parenting Mistakes That Turn Happy Kids Into Nervous Adults
Kids can be successful and still enjoy their lives.
iona didishvili | shutterstock Every parent wants to raise a happy child who grows into a secure adult. But in our quest to give kids the best childhood, we sometimes create the anxiety that we hoped our kids would be able to avoid.
From my observation and from what I hear from other professionals in the psychology and social work fields, our children are stressed out and struggling when it comes to school — and life in general. Childhood anxiety and depression are on the rise, as are psychotropic drugs to help children deal with these struggles. What can parents do to decrease this rising problem?
Here are 3 common parenting mistakes that turn happy kids into nervous adults
1. They hover over their children
Too many parents are hovering over their children and their grades. You finished your education, so now let your child complete theirs. Your child needs to learn how to do their homework, make mistakes, and find their academic comfort level. They need to be able to make their own friends and have their own friendship dramas. Not all children are gifted, and not all children have a learning disability or social challenges.
The majority of kids fall right in the middle of the bell curve — and that's a fine place for them to be. Why not take some of the tension and pressure out of your home by allowing your children to find their level?
2. They micromanage and over-schedule
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Allow your child to pick one or two activities they love to do. When I talk to children, they often tell me they just want some time to veg out and hang with friends.
Not every minute of their day needs to be scheduled. Plus, kids get clear and creative when they have the time and space to do so.
"Play is essential for children to work out what they are learning in their life experiences. It builds their interests and gives them a connection to their deepest selves and imagination. This sense of self and the ability to solve life’s problems is cultivated through improvisational play, " advised teacher Cyndera Quackenbush.
Quackenbush continued, "If a child’s time is completely taken up by structured learning and activities, they miss out on this valuable play time that is often overlooked or taken for granted in our over-scheduled society. This “waste of time” gets filled with further learning and instruction from the outside, robbing children of carefree exploration vital to childhood experience."
3. They hyper-focus on their child's future
We all made mistakes as kids and most of us have landed nicely on our feet. Give your child the chance to do the same thing. Grades are important, but not more important than their well-being. The college they attend does play a role in their future, but not nearly as much as their emotional health and ability to persevere.
Extracurricular activities are only helpful if your child enjoys them and gains some benefit from them. Forcing them into clubs and sports just so their college applications look good is short-sighted and adds to your child's anxiety. This high-pressure environment has caused enormous stress, so much so that depression, delinquency and even substance use levels have risen among affluent kids to be equal to children in underserved and impoverished groups, according to psychologist and educational researcher Suniya Luthar.
Here's the bottom line: happy children are more productive children. Anxiety leads to more anxiety, worry, sadness, and sometimes even depression. It's not worth it. Your children only get one childhood... shouldn't it be a nice one?
Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist, certified professional life and executive coach, and a highly experienced corporate speaker. She helps people overcome stress and overwhelm to find joy in their personal lives and success and meaning in their professional lives.