4 Lies About Love Your Parents' Divorce Tricked You Into Believing

Have you wondered why you are attracted to certain people?

The link between the relationship role model provided by your parents in your formative years and the choices you make in love are directly connected. Even if your parents' divorce was not contentious, you will tend to lean towards a more cautionary route in relationships.

Children of divorced parents can suffer the effects of the breakup throughout adulthood. It is through this experience that you develop a particular mental and emotional framework about relationships.

Those beliefs become something you accept as true, without question. That means you can expect that every day it will seem just as true as it was the day before. Your beliefs are deeply embedded in you, so you live your life without questioning them.

Today, those wrong mindsets will direct your love life until you overcome and replace those beliefs with truth.

Here are 4 lies about love your parents' divorce tricked you into believing:

1. I won't marry

The fear of vulnerability leads many people to avoid commitment altogether. Going to the opposite extreme does not necessarily mean emotional hurt and pain will be completely avoided. The problem with making unbending promises is the tendency in human nature to draw into a life unresolved. Pushing down or trying to ignore feelings of rejection resulting from divorce does not eliminate them. Whatever pain that is hidden in your heart will eventually surface.

@kaylamcculloughpoetry
I grew up in a divorced family and struggle with the fear of abandoment. Its why i try so hard in every relationship to fix what is broken, to love until it hurts. But what ive learned is that the people who will stay will only stay for one reason, and that is because of who you are.
♬ Love Is Gone（Acoustic） - 余小小

2. I want the picket fence

The other extreme is believing a committed relationship and marriage can be perfect without effort. Love does not happen by itself, but takes a mutual effort to build a solid foundation of trust, connection, respect, and deep love. The belief that one will "know" who is the right one only through physical attraction is mistaken and unprepared for commitment. Idealizing marriage as the opposite of what was experienced through divorce only leads to a setup for disappointment in those unrealistic expectations.

@sheisapaigeturner I grew up with divorced parents, and I can tell you with certainty that the divorce itself was not that traumatic. However, the actions of my parents after the divorce have left lasting impact. The way you treat your children and how involved you make them and your divorce will impact their life long-term. You need to respect your children no matter what age they are, when it comes to divorce. This relationship and their involvement in it is your responsibility, not theirs. They should not have to bend over backwards to plan holidays. They should not have to adjust their plans to accommodate both parents. The parents need to accommodate their children. I believe in divorce and I think it can be really healthy but I also believe the way you handle it will impact your kids ##divorced##divorcetok##childofdivorce##divorcedparentsthings##millennialmoms##millennialsontiktok##divorceadvice ♬ original sound - Paige

3. I love you until you mess up

Mentally waiting for something terrible to happen in your relationship will bring that expectation to reality. For example, you may have formed a core belief that all men cheat as a result of your parents' breakup. No matter how great a relationship starts and the potential it has to lead to lasting love, you will sabotage it with this type of thinking in the back of your mind.

4. I love you no matter how you treat me

Denying unacceptable behavior because you fear the consequences of being alone is another way your parents' divorce can affect your view of love.

You may have seen your mother struggle emotionally and financially after divorce. In your mind as a child, you believed that before divorce was better than after. Consequently, you surmised that staying together is more desirable despite the circumstances.

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@andrekabryantportertv I'm an adult still navigating my parent’s divorce 😫🙃 #divorce #relationships #tiktokmom #women #blackwomen #collegestudents #thinkwisely ♬ original sound - Andreka Bryant-Porter TV

The key to attracting emotionally healthy relationships involves releasing these falsehoods. The emotional ashes that came from divorce can turn into beauty if you stop living life through the barriers to love you formed from that circumstance. You have the power to create the type of love you desire but will first need to align your mindsets to attract the right relationship leading to a lasting, loving, and fulfilling marriage.

Nancy Pina is a highly recognized author, relationship coach, and speaker. She is dedicated to helping individuals attract emotionally healthy relationships.