If Your Parents Split When You Were Little, These 8 Relationship Quirks Will Feel Way Too Real
Growing up with divorced parents changes the way you love, fight, and navigate relationships — sometimes in ways you don’t even realize.
Pablo Merchán Montes | Unsplash Loving a child of divorce comes with a few more complications. Growing up with divorced parents isn’t just a chapter in your childhood story — it shapes the way you navigate love, trust, and commitment as an adult. From overanalyzing texts to feeling weirdly self-sufficient in relationships, the relationship quirks run deep.
Maybe you crave stability but secretly expect everything to fall apart, or you’re a pro at playing mediator even when you shouldn’t be. Some of these habits are harmless, some are frustrating, and some might have you side-eyeing your own love life. But one thing’s for sure: if your parents split when you were young, you’ll see yourself in more than a few of these.
If your parents split when you were little, these 8 relationship quirks will feel way too real:
1. You may feel 'eh' on marriage
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People whose parents have split want to believe in the institution of marriage but we're tentative of making the same mistake our parents did, which means they might put it off longer or have more hesitations around it in general.
Personally, for me, I'd be just as content with a life partner, no marriage certificate necessary.
2. You value stability
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Because most people whose parents have split were raised being shuttled between two homes every other week or spending weekends at the other parent's house, it's important for them to have one — I repeat one — safe space with all their stuff under one roof.
That being said, in the case when they do have to jet off for a last-minute getaway, they're so prepared because basically: that was their childhood.
Children of divorce may value stability in relationships due to the instability and uncertainty they experienced during their parents' divorce, potentially leading to a heightened desire for secure and lasting connections in their relationships.
Research from a 2022 study suggests that the attitudes and behaviors surrounding relationships can be passed down through generations, meaning that children of divorce may be more likely to value stability in their relationships, potentially as a way to avoid repeating their parents' experiences.
3. You may be over-attached to your stuff
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Again, since most children of divorce grew up living in two different homes and packed bags to take to Mom or Dad, they've grown overly attached to their things because having their things with them represented home, not necessarily the roof over their heads.
4. You may feel stressed planning a holiday schedule
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Children of divorce still split time (even as an adult, sometimes) between Mom and Dad which means that in addition to sharing time with their partner's family for holidays, they also need to make sure that they're making time for both sets of parents on their side.
Researchers at The Gottman Institute indicate that children of divorce can struggle with the holiday season, experiencing a sense of loss and disruption. Still, strong co-parenting and proactive planning can help ease the transition and foster positive holiday memories.
Different age groups may experience divorce and holidays differently. Younger children may struggle to understand the situation, while older children may experience more complex emotions and challenges.
5. You have a 'comfortable' parent
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Children of divorce love them both equally, of course, but yes, you might feel more at home with one more than the other, and no, kids of divorce probably won't tell you until you get to know them well (although, in some cases, it's blatantly obvious.)
6. You may be afraid of getting divorced yourself
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Anytime one of those studies comes out that says that children of divorce are more likely to get divorced themselves, they panic for a second. Is divorce genetic? Pre-programmed somehow? Gah!
Children of divorce may develop a fear of divorce and future relationship instability, often stemming from witnessing parental conflict and instability and potentially leading to difficulties in their relationships. A 2022 study explained that children may internalize that relationships are fragile and prone to failure, leading to apprehension about future relationships.
7. You're super attached to your siblings
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Because they're the only ones who really, truly understand what we went through: all the pain and the hurt and the not-ideal living situation. Because of this, kids of divorce are tight with their brothers and sisters and always there for each other.
Children of divorce often experience increased closeness and reliance on their siblings, viewing them as a source of support and companionship during a period of family instability and potential parental unavailability. A 2012 study found that high parental conflict during and after divorce can negatively impact sibling relationships, while less severe conflict can allow for a smaller impact.
8. You're still working through your issues
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Yep, still. Only in later adult life, do kids of divorce start to see the less-immediate effects that their parent's separation caused them. (Unless they've been in therapy for years in which case, that's amazing.)
For the rest of the children of divorce, they only now make the connection between little habits/traits/opinions they have and hold — both good and bad — and how their parent's divorce directly impacted them.
Andrea Zimmerman is the deputy editor of YourTango.