5 Uniquely Rare Habits Of The Happiest Couples
Small tweaks equal big results.
Sandra Seitamaa | Unsplash Creating deeper connection and joy in your relationship doesn't require sweeping, grand gestures. Small tweaks lead to big results.
Here are 5 uniquely rare habits of the happiest couples:
1. They express gratitude often.
Thank your partner for making you tea every morning, let them know you're happy they were successful at work, and tell them how much it meant they stopped and bought you cold medicine. We all want (and need) to know our partner appreciates us and we matter. Practicing gratitude sets a tone in a relationship.
2. They offer requests, not complaints.
Too often, couples fall into the pattern of giving feedback through complaints.
- "You never put your laundry away."
- "We only go out when you want to."
So many changes when we slow down and get the courage to ask for what we want. How about:
- "I love it when our bedroom is clean. Could you put the laundry away that's been sitting out all week?"
- "I think we need to start getting out more. How about trying that new restaurant after work one night next week?"
Yes, you risk disappointment or rejection, but most of us don't change through critique and criticism. We change when we see rewards or something to be gained.
3. They make time and set boundaries.
If you only give your relationship the time and attention left over at the end of the day, there will never be enough. Happy, healthy couples are unapologetic about setting boundaries for dedicated time together. This might mean going away for a weekend and shutting off your phones, agreeing to once a week arrive home from work at the same time to cook dinner together, having a regular date night, or even leaving a party early because you haven't had much time to connect.
Photo: DavideAngelini via Shutterstock
4. They lead with intention, not feeling.
Relationships are one of the only areas of life where we believe we shouldn't do something unless we feel like it or want to. This is a setup for disappointment and letdown. Strong couples act with intention rather than feeling. You might not feel like listening to your partner's debrief of their day, yet you intend to love and support them, so you listen. You might not feel like greeting them at the door with a hug and kiss, but you intend to make them feel special, so you do. A little bit of this goes such a long way.
5. They take self-care seriously.
It's your job to make you happy, not your partner's. As one of my colleagues says, "Happiness is a one-person job". Thriving couples put this into action and recognize when you take care of yourself, you are better than every person in your life. Time apart enhances time together. Meet up with a friend for lunch, go for a walk, join a club, and know your partner will be there waiting for you at the end of the day.
Happy, healthy couples know strong relationships don't just happen — they are constructed and created.
Jessica Lyons MS, LMFT is a writer, relationship expert, and psychotherapist. She has a private clinical practice and offers intensive retreats for individuals and couples in the Greater Boston area.