5 Underrated Social Skills More Attractive Than Any Physical Trait
Sometimes the hottest thing you can do is listen.
Lucky Business | Shutterstock When you first meet someone, physical attraction usually trumps personality. After all, you don't know anything about the other person yet. All you know is how they make you feel within the first few seconds of meeting them.
But what happens when you start to interact? Those subtle social skills we all uniquely have, like a good sense of humor, or confidence, are where lasting attraction comes into play.
Much like physical attraction, the most desirable of these traits can be different depending on the person. Many of these subtle yet utterly appealing social skills are underrated until you sit back and think about how it gives you butterflies when your crush unabashedly belly laughs at all your corny jokes.
A recent post on Reddit explored these underrated social skills and users shared what they truly find more attractive than anything physical.
Five social skills that are more attractive than physical appearance:
1. Being comfortable with pauses in conversation
It can feel instinctual to fill every silence, especially when you're nervous. Silences can feel daunting and uncomfortable, but they are perfectly natural. Rather than trying to fill every second, let the moment breathe. This can make conversations feel effortless and give off an unassuming confidence, which is always undeniably attractive.
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Writing for The Society for Personality and Social Psychology, Sean Murphy, explained the reason confidence is always desirable. He noted, "A lot of the things we want in a partner are difficult to observe directly, especially on first meeting — this includes traits like competence, drive, social status, and kindness. Because we trust that people know themselves well, and assume that their confidence (or lack thereof) reflects their actual value as a partner."
2. Being a good listener
Sometimes, the most important part of a conversation can be what you don't say. It can be easy to fill a silence or feel like you have to keep talking when you're nervous. The best way to get to know someone is by listening to them.
Don't just nod along and agree with whatever the person says without taking in what they told you. Really listen to them; ask questions, engage, and remember what they said. People will open up when they see that you care.
"Good listeners really put everything down and focus on [the person in front of them]," listening expert Paul Sacco, Ph.D., explained to Huffington Post. "And as a result, the other person becomes instantly aware that they have an interest in what they have to say."
3. Asking questions
Hand-in-hand with listening is asking questions. If you want to get to know someone better, ask them about themselves. TikTok creator Tinx made a video about how often men do not ask women questions on dates and her comments were flooded with women in agreement.
One commenter wrote, "I decided I wasn't going to speak at one point, and this man talked for 28 minutes straight." Another user urged his fellow men to remember that "a date is a conversation, not a presentation."
If you're truly listening to what the other person is saying, questions should come naturally. Even something as simple as "Tell me more about that," can let the other person know you're interested.
4. Making everyone feel included
Like all of these social skills, making people feel included can be important for both relationships and friendships. If you're in a group setting, do your best to make everyone feel included. This can be as simple as making eye contact with someone or asking their name.
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You can also ask them what they think about the topic of discussion and listen attentively to their answer. Even if they are a little shy and don't fully join the conversation, it can mean a lot that you noticed and included them.
5. Being authentic
It's a cliché for a reason, but the most attractive social skill you can have is to be your authentic self. TikTok creator Natalie Ann pointed out that when someone is being genuinely authentic, you can tell.
"You have to understand that authenticity drives attraction because it fosters a genuine connection between people," she said.
One of the best markers of a relationship is that you feel comfortable being yourself around your partner, so start by being yourself from the get-go. By being your authentic self, you'll attract people that like you for you, and what's better than that?
Alexis Faible is a writer with a Bachelor's in fashion design and a Master's in journalism covering fashion, relationships and human-interest stories.