10 Common Traits Of People Whose Love Language Is Touch
If these traits sound familiar, you're hands-on with your love.
Lia Bekyan | Unsplash The 5 love languages, outlined by Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts, tell us a lot about the way we visualize and give love. While some people might define love as doing things for others (acts of service), others see love as giving gifts.
Those with the touch love language take a more hands-on approach to their love. Sometimes for you, a simple hug speaks louder than words — and you're all too familiar with the following if your love language is touch.
Here are ten common traits of people whose love language is touch:
1. You actually hate when random people touch you
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You can’t stand people being close to you on the train. It feels gross. Some of the reasons include personal boundaries, sensory sensitivities, and past trauma, where even casual contact with strangers can feel very uncomfortable or upsetting.
2. But you’re crazy affectionate to the ones you love
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You show all kinds of affection only to people you’re attracted to and can trust because they deserve it. Being overly physically affectionate towards loved ones can often stem from a desire to feel secure, express deep love, compensate for lack of affection in the past, or even be a sign of an insecure attachment style, where excessive displays of affection are used to maintain closeness and avoid potential rejection.
However, a 2023 study found it's essential to be mindful of personal boundaries and ensure that affection is comfortable for both partners in a relationship.
3. You show how much you appreciate people in your hugs
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Your hugs depend on the person. You give bear hugs to your friends, longer-than-necessary hugs to your partner, and pre-cuddle hugs to your lover. A meaningful hug is not just a quick touch but a deliberate act to convey your genuine feelings of value and gratitude for the other person.
4. You enjoy casual touch
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You enjoy casual touching like forehead kisses, holding hands, a hand on the hip, etc. more than you like intimate touching. Casual touching between you and your lover is much more intense because it shows they’re content with you.
This refers to the concept of non-intimate physical affection, which means expressing intimacy and connection through touch without the intention of going further. A 2021 study concluded this could include actions like hugging, holding hands, or gentle caresses and is considered necessary for building emotional bonds and fostering a sense of security within relationships, even outside of intimate activity.
5. You love to hold hands
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Most people are annoyed by it, but you love it. It makes you feel much closer to someone. It’s like they’re attached to you. Holding hands can provide safety and comfort, especially in stressful situations.
6. You're guarded when it comes to your body
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But you’re submissive to the one you trust to take good care of it. A 2023 study published in the European Journal of Pain found this often indicates a protective mechanism where someone consciously or unconsciously limits physical intimacy or exposure of their body due to past experiences, trauma, low self-esteem, or a fear of vulnerability.
Mindfulness techniques and body-centered therapies can help individuals become more comfortable with their physical sensations and develop a more positive body image.
7. You can’t be with someone who isn’t affectionate
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Because they feel so cold and distant, you have a hard time connecting with someone emotionally and mentally if they ignore you physically. Being with someone who doesn't naturally express affection is not advisable, as this could lead to feelings of loneliness, neglect, and a lack of connection within the partnership.
8. You love eye contact
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Because it can be just as intense as touch. It’s like a mental form of touching. Eye contact triggers the release of hormones like oxytocin.
A 2020 study found that when sustained with another person, oxytocin fosters connection, trust, and intimacy, creating a sense of bonding and attraction through prolonged eye contact. This is further supported by the release of dopamine, a pleasure neurotransmitter, during positive interactions like meaningful eye contact.
9. You notice that every person has a distinctive touch
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Depending on the person, their touch will feel distinctively different. A touch from a friend can feel loving, while a touch from a crush can excite you. A good touch will go almost entirely unnoticed. It takes time to master. A poorly executed touch is noticeable instantly.
10. You have a lot of sensitive points
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You have spots that tickle your nerves from beneath your ear to the back of your neck. Your sensitive body is why touch is your primary love language. Everyone has erogenous zones on their bodies.
These zones differ from person to person, so you may not feel the same as someone else when touched in the same spot. It takes a bit of learning to find these.
Marie Cyprien is a writer, researcher, library assistant, and editor whose work has been featured on Black Enterprise, Guideposts, Puckermob, The Oklahoma Eagle, and more.