Psychology Says These 5 Phrases Mean More Than 'I Love You'
How to let a spouse know you love them in unique ways beyond I love you.
Jacob Lund | Canva Everyone knows that actions speak louder than words. But sometimes, saying the right thing at the right time can be worth all the actions. These things you say express intimacy and understanding beyond romantic feelings, highlighting the deep bond built over time.
There's also no need to stress over grand gestures — sometimes, saying less really does mean more, and over time, these phrases mean way more than 'I love you.' There are non-complicated phrases our loved ones need to hear from us, but we often don’t say them enough.
After decades together, psychology says these phrases mean more than I love you:
1. 'I don’t know what to do'
One time, my husband and I were arguing about something. I am not sure what. I stormed out of the room, and he didn’t follow me.
I was puttering around my room, angry at whatever we were fighting about, when he walked in and said, "I don’t know what to do." These words instantaneously diffused my anger.
He had no idea what to do, and instead of going silent or taking a stab at trying to fix things or sticking to his side to "win" the argument, he chose to go out on a limb and tell me what was honestly going on for him. Oh man, did I love him more?
I also realized I needed to cut him some slack, both in the moment and during similar arguments going forward. We rarely argue now, as we are both clear about what we need when we don’t know how to keep the peace.
2. 'That must be hard. What can I do for you right now?'
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Have you ever seen this video called It's Not About The Nail, in which a woman is talking about how much pain she has in her head and how some days she doesn’t know if she can live with it any longer? The camera pans out, and we see a nail protruding from her forehead.
Her well-meaning husband points out that perhaps if she removed the nail, she would feel better. This doesn’t go over well, as she gets mad at him for trying to fix her problem when she just wants him to listen. He does, and she is happy.
Couples who demonstrate empathy for each other tend to experience greater relationship satisfaction, stronger emotional connection, and less conflict. A 2021 study showed that empathy allows partners to understand and share each other's feelings, leading to better communication and support.
The next time your girlfriend is upset with you, listen to her. When she is done speaking, acknowledge what you heard and empathize with the emotional turmoil she feels.
And then, not trying to fix her, ask her what you can do in the moment to make her happy. She might not know the answer, but she will appreciate the empathy, which shows you want to support her without fixing her. It will mean the world to her, and she'll know she is important to you.
3. 'When I see you, my heart skips a beat'
Women have been raised on rom-coms, which are admittedly not the best example of real-life love. But it is what it is, and there are certain things we hope our relationship will have in spades.
One of the most important of those is your heart skips a beat when you see us. We love knowing you feel a physical reaction (other than the one you're thinking of right now) that reminds you how much you love us.
So, if you want to make a woman feel well and truly loved, tell her just that — when you come back together after being apart, your heart feels full, and you are happy.
4. 'You look hot'
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I know. In this day and age, we're not supposed to emphasize superficial things like looks. Smarts, emotional IQ, happiness, and kindness are all important parts of a woman’s makeup and things she wants to be recognized for by her man.
That said, every woman wants to know the man she loves thinks she's hot. She wants to know he checks her out when she walks into the room, seeing her walk around is the highlight of his day, and being with her rocks his world.
Commenting on your partner's physical attractiveness can be essential for maintaining relationship satisfaction, as it reinforces positive feelings and perceptions of attraction. However, a 2022 study concluded it's crucial to do so in a genuine and supportive way. Negative or critical comments regarding appearance can significantly harm self-esteem and relationship quality, and the impact can vary depending on individual and relationship dynamics.
If you typically refrain from telling your girlfriend her physical appearance rocks your world, don’t stop yourself anymore! She needs to hear it from you, and telling her will help her understand how much she means to you.
5. 'I'm sorry I hurt you. What can I do to make things right?'
Apologies are crucial in every relationship. They can make or break even a happy one, and yet they're often offered incorrectly. Here is an example of what I mean. A man comes home from work late.
His boss kept him there later than he thought, and he missed dinner with his family. His wife is fuming. He says, "I'm sorry, but my boss kept me there, and I figured you would understand."
Any apology followed by a "but" immediately negates itself. The reality is the reason his wife was fuming was because she felt hurt.
Not only wasn’t he home on time, but he didn’t call to tell her he would be late, or why. Instead, a good apology would be, "I'm sorry I hurt you. What can I do to make things right?"
The most important part of apologizing to someone is acknowledging you hurt them. Even if you feel like what you did was unavoidable, you still hurt them.
Acknowledging and owning it will diffuse the situation right away. And when you allow your partner to let you know how to fix things, you can move on and get around to the fixing it part, which is way more fun!
Using your words to let your girlfriend know how much you care about her is important. Dr. Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts posits how we all tend to give and receive love in one of five particular ways: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, or acts of service.
I believe this idea is true, but that said, most women need to hear you express your feelings. They need to have the words come out of your mouth so they can let them soak into their heart and their brain.
And don’t forget the most important of all things to say to a woman: "I love you." I know you might think she knows that one, but she still likes to hear it from you — every day. So, go forth. Use your words and let your girlfriend know she's undoubtedly the one for you!
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in MSN, Prevention, Huffington Post, and Psych Central, among many others.