Married Couples Who Stay Madly In Love For Decades Display These 6 Traits
How to ensure your love lasts a lifetime.
Vlada Karpovich | Canva Not all relationships are silver, shiny, and sparkly forever. Many people give up on their relationship after the can't-keep-your-hands-off-each-other period has ended because they think they're not in love anymore. In reality, they're entering a new phase in their relationship: real married love.
Navigating the storm (and keeping the spark alive!) isn't as difficult as you'll make them out to be. If you want to know how to get over the honeymoon phase and stay madly in love for decades, look no further. We talked to Julia Flood, owner of New Start Therapy, and got some tips on how you can keep those flames burning all relationship long, even after the initial attraction has worn off.
Married couples who stay madly in love for decades display these traits:
1. They show that they care
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Flood suggests that you always, always keep in mind just how important consideration is in a relationship.
Whether it's asking how his day went, checking in to see how his friend who's pregnant is doing, or just asking a basic "Is there anything I can do for you?", longevity in a relationship — especially the type that leads to long-lasting love — comes from being grounded in the basic understanding that you care and are considerate of one another. Plus, as your relationship matures, a partner who wants to do things for you is hot.
2. They're on the same team
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We're not suggesting the two of you share the same opinion and take the same stance on every argument (because that would be boring), but it's important to remember that you're both on the same team in the end.
Sure, you might prefer Pepsi while he doesn't understand how anyone would live without the taste of a cool Coca-Cola, but in the grand scheme of things, what does it matter? Teamwork makes the dream work.
Couples who view themselves as on the same team tend to have stronger, more resilient relationships. A 2009 study concluded that they have higher levels of trust, cooperation, and conflict resolution, as the team mentality promotes a shared sense of purpose and encourages support for one another during challenges.
A healthy team dynamic requires both partners to contribute equally and feel valued. While being on the same team is essential, it doesn't mean sacrificing individual needs or autonomy.
3. They put some work into the romance
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The worst part about exiting the honeymoon phase and walking straight into a real relationship is learning that real romance requires real work. (Did it just get real up in here or is that just me?)
Sometimes, you've got to tell your guy you want flowers. Remind him that it's your anniversary. It doesn’t mean you're failing at romance to have to schedule the things that are important to you; it means that you're smart enough to know how to keep a romance real.
4. They laugh together
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If I had a nickel for every time someone told me how important laughter is for a relationship, I'd still be poor. But you know what? Laughing together — and I mean genuine, real, from the belly-up laughter — does wonders for your relationship.
During the honeymoon phase, you're so carefree, lovable, and overwhelmed that the silliness is just part of the whole process, but when you're in the thick of it, sometimes it's easy to forget how good a laugh feels, especially when you're sharing it with the person who means more to you than anything.
Couples who laugh together tend to have stronger, more positive relationships. Shared laughter fosters intimacy, connection, and overall well-being, which strongly indicates romantic attraction and relationship satisfaction.
It can even be used to manage stress and conflict within a partnership. 2019 research investigated how different humor styles can impact relationship dynamics, with positive associations found for couples who share compatible humor styles.
5. They listen to each other — really listen
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Best advice? Never stop listening to each other. During the honeymoon phase, your relationship is so new and so inviting that you're so caught up in the other person.
You want to hear every story, and feel every emotion — and once you're past that, it can be easy to forget just how important real, genuine listening can be.
If he's had a bad day, hug him and hear him out. If his boss is giving him a hard time at work, be there when he needs you. It will only deepen (and strengthen) your bonds.
When partners actively listen to each other, it fosters greater relationship satisfaction, builds trust, reduces conflict, enhances empathy, and improves overall communication quality. This makes active listening a key component of healthy partnerships.
An American Psychological Association study revealed that it is often a core component of couple therapy interventions to address communication issues and improve relationship quality.
6. They date each other
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It's so easy to say it — and it almost sounds a little cliché — but going out on dates together throughout your relationship keeps the romance alive. So when he asks "Dinner at 7?" tell him you can't wait.
Spending dedicated time together in planned activities is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.
A 2022 study explained that it fosters connection, intimacy, communication, and overall relationship satisfaction, contributing to positive mental health outcomes like reduced stress and increased happiness. It allows couples to continually learn about each other, deepen their bond, and prevent stagnation in the relationship.
Kylie McConville is a freelance writer, editor-in-chief at Apartment Therapy, and founding editor of Romper. Her bylines have appeared in BDG, Yahoo, Bustle, Elite Daily, Romper, The Bump, and others.
Kristine Soloman is a freelance editor and writer. She has appeared in Forbes, Huffington Post, Insider Business, and more.