5 Tiny Signs You Need Couples Therapy Way More Than You Think You Do
Diffuse anger, communicate better, and bring back the passion.
Nikola Stojadinovic | Canva Being happily married is not easy, and being in love is not a sure path to a happy relationship. You and your partner are not clones; you'll have differences, often leading to disappointment and frustration. And while tension is common, it presents you with a challenge: Will you argue over your differences or use them as opportunities to grow your relationship?
Here are 5 tiny signs you need couples therapy way more than you think you do:
1. You keep having the same fights over and over again
This clearly indicates that you are not communicating well enough to solve your problems. Without good communication, compromise is impossible, and without compromise your problems pile up like land mines ready to explode and repeatedly damage your relationship. Couples therapy helps you learn how to talk and listen to one another.
2. You're too tired for love
Of course, there are times when you and your partner are too physically exhausted for intimacy, but when this becomes a pattern something else is going on. Most likely you are emotionally drained because you are carrying a lot of unresolved anger that is a direct consequence of not solving problems as they come up.
Letting your intimate relationship drift is risky because it opens the door for others to come in and fill the void. Couples therapy teaches you how to defuse anger in your relationship.
3. Your kids keep asking you if you're getting divorced
As much as you and your partner try to avoid facing your relationship problems, your children tune right into it. They can sense the lack of closeness and tension between those they look to for safety and security.
If they are calling your attention to the distance between you, it has already grown to a dangerous level. Couples therapy is most effective when you get help as soon as possible.
fizkes
4. You have stopped reaching out to make things better
Feeling hurt and rejected, you are no longer making the extra effort to reach out and close the distance between you and your partner. It feels too risky to make the first move. Another setback, another rejection feels more than you can bear.
Unfortunately, your partner is probably feeling the same way and this begins a steady slide toward separating. Couples therapy can help you both cooperate to reverse this process.
5. You often think about having an affair
Getting love, attention, and affection from someone new suddenly seems like a reasonable solution to your relationship issues. This thought is a red flag, a signal that your unhappiness has reached a desperate level. Having an affair will double your troubles and could be a deal breaker. Don't take that chance. Use your desperation to call a marriage counselor and start working to repair your relationship.
Evelyn and Paul Moschetta are marriage counselors, therapists, and workshop leaders who have written many books dealing with marriage including The Marriage Spirit.