6 Sad Signs You're In A Roommate Relationship, According To Psychology
How people go from soulmates to roommates.
TONL | Canva Most couples start as soulmates who are best friends and passionate lovers. As time passes they find that holding on to that "in love" feeling that many soulmates share is a real challenge. Some partners begin to feel more like roommates than soulmates. How can you tell if your relationship has evolved from that of soulmates to roommates?
Here are 6 sad signs you're in a roommate relationship, according to psychology:
1. The passion is gone
Intimacy feels anything but passionate. It's a chore to get excited to do any kind of romantic or intimate thing with your partner. What used to be a magical encounter is now just one more thing on a never-ending to-do list.
Sparks used to fly whenever you kissed and now there's not even a smile on their face when they see you. Research shows that physical intimacy is crucial for maintaining a strong emotional bond between partners, and when lacking, it can negatively affect self-esteem and overall relationship satisfaction.
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2. You’ve stopped playing together
Can you even remember all the fun things you used to do together? How many are still going on? When was the last time you put everything (work, kids, the house, parents) on hold and got away just the two of you together? You used to have frequent date nights, and now you both cook separate things and fight about what to put on the TV.
3. Bickering is the new normal
Even when things are going well it feels tense and you quickly fall into being critical of one another. Fighting is normal in relationships, and even, according to one study from the Journal of Family Communication, can help you live longer, as suppressing anger can take a toll on your physical and emotional health.
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4. You'd rather be with friends than alone with your partner
Friends feel safe while the trust in your relationship is shaky and unreliable.
5. You’ve closed down emotionally
Sharing personal feelings is risky because whenever you let your guard down your partner blames, judges, or leaves you feeling small. You used to get excited about coming home and telling them about your day, and all the fun plans you had, and now you two barely speak a word to each other unless it's to fight about bills and whose turn it is to take out the trash.
6. You no longer feel like a top priority
Hobbies, friends, kids, and the dog all seem much more important to your partner than you do. You often feel invisible. If the above convinces you that you’re in a roommate relationship, don’t despair. Take action. All of the above can turn around dramatically with good relationship coaching or therapy.
Evelyn and Paul Moschetta are marriage counselors, therapists, and workshop leaders who have written many books dealing with marriage including The Marriage Spirit.