5 Things Wives Value Most In Their Husbands Above All Else, According To Psychology
There's more to value in a husband than just the obvious things.
LightFieldStudios | Canva Are you madly in love and want nothing more than to tell your wife exactly how much? You already know how important it is to say, "I love you," but in addition to those three words, showing her how you feel regularly — and making an effort to find out the best ways to do it — is one of the things wives value most in their husbands.
There are many to show your wife just how much you love her, and by doing them, you'll learn how to be a better husband to her in the process. Pay attention to these things that she values so that you, in turn, can show her you're listening and paying attention to what she prioritizes above all else.
Here are the five things wives value most in their husbands above all else:
1. When you listen and don’t try to fix her
One of the men's best personality traits is that they are fixers. Give them a problem, and what they want to do more than anything is fix it. Unfortunately, women don’t want to be fixed.
They want to be listened to. They want to be acknowledged. They want to know that their man hears them sees them and understands what they’re going through.
So, the next time your woman is sitting on the couch feeling sad, ask her what is wrong and then listen to what she tells you. Tell her that you hear what she is saying and that you are very sorry.
And then ask her what she needs from you. Don’t give her advice. Just ask her what she needs. This might seem like a very simple thing, but it is what women want more than anything — to be heard, but not fixed.
2. When you anticipate her needs
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Those who are unhappy in love often expect men to anticipate their needs, and by doing so, they open themselves up to disappointment. What women want, more than anything is for their men to anticipate their needs, but many men just don’t know how to do it. Women's friends, sisters, and mothers are the ones who can anticipate their needs without even batting an eye, so they can rely on them to do so.
That being said, men can anticipate the needs of their partner, if they want to. I haven’t always believed this, but now I am in a relationship with a man who does pay attention and follows through, so my attitude has changed.
What does it mean to anticipate the needs of your woman? Quite simply, it's no more than paying attention and taking action.
Anticipating your partner's needs is crucial for a healthy relationship. It demonstrates a high level of attentiveness, understanding, and responsiveness, leading to increased feelings of connection, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction. A 2022 study shows that partners who actively try to predict and fulfill each other's needs tend to report greater happiness and commitment within the relationship.
Every night, I sleep with extra blankets on my side of the bed. More often than not, after I brush my teeth, I go to my bedroom and discover that my boyfriend already took the blankets out of the closet and put them on my side of the bed.
Every time he does this, I feel loved. I know it’s a little thing, but it shows that he’s paying attention.
Having men anticipate the little things is very important for women. If you can anticipate what she might need — and follow through with action — you will show your woman you love her.
3. When you notice her
When was the last time you told your woman how beautiful she looked? When was the last time you told your woman what a great mom she is or how much you love her?
Do you assume you don’t need to say those things because she knows? If that is the case, you’re very wrong. Women need to be noticed. They need to know you see them, that you see the way they look, the way they act, and the way you feel about them.
Unfortunately, the longer we are in a relationship, the less we get acknowledged for how amazing we are. You're probably still thinking, "I love my wife and she’s amazing", but you might forget to tell her.
So, take every opportunity that you can to notice your woman. Tell her the amazing things that you see her do and that you love her very much. If you want to show your woman you love her, make her feel seen.
4. When you hold her hand
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Women love holding hands. There is nothing better than walking down the street holding your man’s hand as you go.
That long-ago moment, when a boy reached for her hand in the movie theater, was the first moment that your woman knew how it felt to be cared for. Holding hands seems like very little thing but for women, it can be more intimate than being physical.
Holding your partner's hand is a significant gesture that can reduce stress, lower blood pressure, alleviate pain, and enhance feelings of connection and intimacy. A 2023 study found this is primarily due to activating the release of oxytocin, often called the love hormone. Holding hands can help regulate emotions, especially in situations causing anxiety or fear, by providing a sense of security and comfort.
The physical contact — without expectation of anything more — makes us feel special and loved and way more likely to want to give more. The next time you’re walking with your woman, reach over and take her hand. If you do this, you can show your woman you love her in a very simple way.
5. When you learn her love language
According to Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The 5 Love Languages, there are five love languages — five ways that people express and receive love. The 5 love languages are:
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Giving of gifts
For each person, one of those gestures is the thing that makes them feel the most loved. When a partner tries to show them love using a different love language, they don’t feel quite as loved. My love language is quality time. I feel loved when someone is truly present with me, listening to me, focusing on me. My ex-husband’s love language was physical touch; he felt love when I was holding his hand, hugging him, or was intimate with him.
Unfortunately, the love language we spoke best with each other was acts of service. We did things for each other, like changing the oil in the car or going to the grocery store. Stuff got done, but neither of us felt truly loved. Relationships are long and hard, and understanding what you can do to keep the love strong is very important.
So, if you want to be a better husband or a better boyfriend, figure out your woman's love language. Then, make an effort to listen to her without trying to fix her or anticipate her needs. See her and hold her hand. In addition to saying, "I love you," doing these simple things will make her feel loved — which will make your relationship stronger and make you both happy.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in MSN, Prevention, and Psych Central.