Psychology Says There's 10 Things That Must Happen For Two People To Fall In Love
What exactly needs to happen for people to fall in love and end up together.
Andov | Canva Love often finds us at the most unexpected of times, and we wonder why we develop a strong attachment to another person. While it could be fate or being in the right time/right place, there are several scientifically based factors to falling in love and finding the perfect person for you.
According to research by Elizabeth Phillips, a Ph.D. student at the University of Central Florida, psychologists have identified ten factors that draw people together. Dr. Phillips was looking at how human relationships with technology are formed and the role attachment plays in human relationships with technology.
Dr. Phillips had to begin with attachment theory in human relationships and then pieced together how humans form mature relationships with other adults before leaping to love and technology. Interestingly, the leap of love from human to robot requires us to understand that the human process involved in falling in love is a lot more complex than you would have ever thought.
Here are the things that must happen for two people to fall in love:
1. Similarity
They say opposites attract, but surprisingly (or not so surprisingly) we're more likely to end up with someone similar to ourselves because they're more inclined to like us back. Oh, the irony!
2. Reciprocated feelings
Miljan Zivkovic / Shutterstock
You're not going to end up in a committed relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way as you. That's not to say you can't still fall in love with them. However, science says that feeling wanted by another can be enough to tip the scale between friends and lovers.
3. Attraction
Desirable characteristics in a partner differ greatly for everyone. For some, personality ticks all the boxes, while for others, appearance is the most valued thing. Regardless, Phillips says we all have aspects of personality or physical attractiveness that get our hearts fluttering.
So, if you don't find anything about your date attractive, including their killer 8-pack abs, chances are you're not going to find love with them. But you already knew that, didn't you?
4. Social influences
According to Phillips, social influences are what we establish as being acceptable. This includes age, background, and culture. So, if you're 25 and aren't attracted to older men, it's unlikely you're going to be open to finding love with someone who's 45.
5. Danger factor
If you're looking to find love, go bungee jumping or sky diving. Seriously, there are no puns intended here. Being in an adrenalin-induced situation with another person is a bonding experience that's associated with falling in love.
6. Fulfillment
Whether it's a cuddle or an ego boost, the people we fall in love with generally meet some type of need in our lives. This doesn't necessarily happen consciously, either. Apparently, on some subconscious level, we look for a lover who's capable of patching up a hole in our life — depressing much?
7. The X-factor
Yuri A / Shutterstock
Just like the TV show implies, falling in love means finding someone who has the X-factor — a person with something special that makes you go WOW! Similar to attraction, it could be a wicked sense of humor, a gorgeous grin, or a kind, loving heart.
8. Relationship readiness
This one doesn't seem to apply to women as much as it does men, because generally speaking, even when a woman says she's not ready for a relationship, she'll find a way to work one in if the right opportunity presents itself. According to Phillips, however, someone has to be psychologically at a point where they would welcome a relationship.
9. Alone time together
If you don't spend some quality alone time with someone then you're doomed to remain in the friendship zone. Exclusiveness is essential for falling in love because one-on-one time allows you to get to know someone properly.
10. Mystery
Isn't it bizarre that the people we can't quite figure out are the ones we're attracted to the most? Thankfully, science now proves we're not self-destructive for doing so... well, sort of.
According to Phillips, the mystery factor explains why some women fall in love with inmates. It's all in the intrigue. So, there it is: the science of what makes people fall in love. Now that you know, what will you do with it?
Paige Ahern is a writer and actress who has appeared in Ravishly, SheSaid, MamaMia, Unwritten, and more.