If You're Not Doing These 4 Things, Your 'Age Gap' Relationship Probably Won't Work
Studies paint a bleak picture of relationships with large age differences, but there are ways to make it work.
Connect Images | Shutterstock Many will tell you that age gap relationships are doomed, but that's not necessarily true. Any sort of difference — whether it's age, religion, ethnicity, education, or anything else — can be a place for misunderstanding and disconnection for a couple ... if they allow it to be. All human beings are unique individuals who see things from unique perspectives. When we add to that a different background or culture because of when or where we were born, this can make it more challenging to forge connections.
But differences, when shared among equal partners, can also add more fun and excitement to your relationship if you stay conscious and awake. However, if you pretend that the differences aren't there, you're likely to run into tension and conflict.
Four ways to make loving age-gap relationships work
1. Remember your story is still in process
We cannot stress enough the importance of watching your thoughts, especially when it comes to your relationship and the differences between you and your partner. Remind yourself that nothing is 100% guaranteed. The way you think about, talk to, and act with your partner is what will guide the two of you to happiness (or disappointment and breakup), as supported by an American Journal of Family Therapy study.
2. Adopt an attitude of respect
Being respectful of your partner may seem like a no-brainer suggestion, but when differences arise that don't make sense to you or that feels like a challenge to the way you do things, it gets more complicated. Make it your intention to always be kind and respectful, even when you two don't agree.
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3. Stay curious
Curiosity can be your most powerful tool when dealing with a difference that's upsetting or stressful. Keep telling yourself that trying to understand isn't "giving in," and keep asking questions so that you truly can get a clear and accurate sense of where your partner is coming from. A great phrase we use in our relationship is, "Please tell me more."
4. Nurture what's unique about you
Know that creating a happy and connected relationship when there's an age gap isn't about giving up your opinions, values, or what's most important to you. A Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, study on self-disclosure and intimacy helps us see there's room for you to be authentically who you are and to pursue your interests and personal passions, while also contributing to an amazing connection with your partner.
Age-gap relationships will have differences, and those differences very likely could be the greatest strength for the couple. The core ideas behind making your age gap work for you are not very different from any other romantic pairing.
Lead with authentic love, respect, curiosity, and a genuine interest in learning and growing with your partner, and you will be sure to smooth over any of the disparities that might appear.
Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life.