10 Things A Good Man Won't Do In A Relationship With Someone He Truly Loves
If a man really loves you, there are some things he inherently knows are completely off limits.
Gorodenkoff / Shutterstock There are no rules as to what makes a happy relationship, since we all need different things. There are, however, certain things a good man will never do if he’s in one with someone he truly loves.
We all have specific behaviors we view as tolerable that may not be tolerable for another person, but there are key traits that don’t belong in a healthy relationship. Many women who are in toxic relationships tend to judge a man “per action,” meaning if a guy does something right, it seems to cancel out the wrong, but it doesn't really work like that.
Here are 10 things a good man won't do in a relationship with someone he truly loves
1. He won't hold your past against you
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A man in a healthy relationship with someone he truly loves won't fling your past in your face. He won’t harp on your for your past mistakes. He won’t judge you with fire and brimstone for who you were before you met him.
He sees you for who you are today and fully accepts that you had a life before him, and he feels lucky that he has you in his life now.
2. He won't put you second
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There are times you need to be put second to his family, himself, and his kids if he’s got them, but a man in a healthy relationship with someone he truly loves will find a way to make you a priority.
As therapist Heather Gray explained, "If our partners are unwilling to meet our needs, the relationship cannot thrive. If we are unwilling to meet our partner’s needs, the outcome remains the same."
When a man makes his wife or girlfriend a priority, he is showing her that he is committed to the relationship. If you find yourself in the metaphorical backseat to his friends or other individuals constantly, it’s not a good thing. It indicates that this man isn't quite right for you.
3. He won't shame you
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If your guy care about you not wanting to perform certain physical acts or shames you for wanting certain things in the bed, this is not a healthy relationship. A good man who truly loves someone won't shame them for their personal preferences. Consider this an indicator to leave the relationship and find a man who will treat you right.
Bernard Golden, Ph.D., shared that "Intense shame is associated with self-doubt, self-criticism, and even depressive tendencies. It is then not surprising that it can foster heightened sensitivity to criticism, even when it is presented in the form of supportive and constructive feedback."
Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. Are your preferences destructive to your relationship or to yourself? If so, he has the right to say no. Are you shutting him down physically all the time? If so, the issue may reside with you.
4. He won't expect you to fulfill all of his fantasies
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Obviously, we would all love a partner who wants to act out our every fantasy and desire, but that’s not reality. Every person is different, and they may not be comfortable following through on certain requests.
A good man who truly loves someone won't expect them to act like anyone other than a human being with equal say about the kind of intimate life you two have together.
5. He won't belittle or talk down to you
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A good man won't belittle or talk down to someone he truly loves. Instead, he respectfully addresses you, even when he is mad. He makes it a point to always treat his woman civility and admiration, and will never raise his voice or throw insults.
The Practical Psych noted that belittling another is "a form of emotional abuse or insensitivity that is sometimes used to make the other person feel weaker."
A man who talks down to you or speaks to you with a lack of respect is not what you need. In fact, a man who does this is abusive.
"It's important to remember that you cannot change or fix the other person; only they can do that themselves. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself and focus on rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem if it's been damaged by the situation," the Practical Psych explained.
6. He won't withdraw from you emotionally as punishment
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A good man in a relationship with someone he truly loves won't withdraw from them emotionally as a punishment. Sure, from time to time your man will withdraw to his “man cave” if he's feeling stressed or upset. A healthy man will then approach you when he's ready to talk. But a man who is unhealthy may withdraw from you coldly as punishment, without saying why. He will limit your ability to reach him in a healthy manner for possibly days or weeks.
"The effects of withdrawal on relationships can be profound," stated licensed marriage and family therapist Michael Kosim. "When one partner withdraws, the other partner may feel neglected, unimportant, and insecure. This can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, and even depression."
"Over time, withdrawal can erode the trust and intimacy in a relationship, making it harder and harder for partners to connect emotionally. This can lead to a sense of hopelessness and despair, as both partners begin to feel that the relationship is beyond repair," he concluded.
When it hurts so bad, you know he’s retreated as punishment. If you are feeling concerned but know he’s working through something at the moment, it’s healthy.
7. He won't discount your feelings
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Does he tell you how you overreact or are sensitive all the time? Are all of your feelings invalidated? Does he make you feel like you're wrong for emoting in a certain way?
A good man in a healthy relationship with someone he truly love won't discount your feelings constantly, making you feel as if there is something wrong with you. Instead, he will lead with compassion and comfort you.
8. He won't make fun of you in front of friends
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There is teasing, but then there is malicious commentary. While there's nothing wrong with innocent jokes, there's a staunch line between funny and offensive, especially if he makes those jabs in front of friends, adding another layer to humiliation.
The guy that pokes at you, your job, or your clothes in front of a group of his buddies is an emotional masochist. Dump him.
9. He won't avoid soothing your fears or insecurities
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A good man will help you confront your fears after a fight the two of you had, or a bad situation or event that unsettled you. He will go out of his way to make you feel safe and emotionally secure.
The unhealthy man doesn’t have time to make you feel better, nor does he care why you’re upset. He only cares about himself and what he wants.
10. He won't be selfish
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A good man can give back without being selfish. He wants to give you his all. He wants to be his best self and make you happy.
In an unhealthy relationship, a man will take without giving back and won't apologize for it. And even if he does apologize, he won’t change his behavior and will most likely take, again and again and again. Don't fall for it.
Laura Lifshitz is a former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate currently writing about divorce, women’s issues, fitness, parenting, and marriage. Her work has been featured in the New York Times, DivorceForce, Women’s Health, Working Mother, PopSugar, and more.