The 5 Things Brilliant People Do The Moment They Meet Someone They Like
Some people immediately recognize what matters most.
Nejron | Canva If you've been hoping to meet a true partner, you're probably already feeling a lot of pressure. This advice isn't necessarily going to help you feel less stressed, but it might help you stop wasting time. After all, healthy relationships start the moment you first meet someone you like — as long as you know how to identify them.
A lot can be revealed when you first meet someone you think has potential. There are markers for whether your relationship, if one develops, will be a healthy one. There are many ways to know, but there are some specific things you should focus on doing right off the bat to make the most of your first introduction, hangout or date.
Here are five things brilliant people do when they meet someone they really like
1. They prioritize honesty
The number-one most important part of any healthy relationship is honesty. Knowing you can tell your partner anything and they will do the same with you is important because honesty is how you work things out in relationships.
Even if it leads to an argument, honesty is still important. It gets things out on the table — good or bad — to be addressed.
If you go into a date thinking there are some things you aren’t going to be honest about because they might embarrass you or you feel ashamed of, you are going to doom your relationship from the start.
So, be honest on your first date. If you aren’t, the relationship could be over before it begins.
2. They are fully authentic
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For many reasons, you sometimes don’t bring your true self to a first date. Whether it's because you're shy, cocky, insecure, or you're trying to hide something, you go into a first date being something you're not.
This isn't time-tested advice for no reason. After collecting data from four different, but related, studies, researchers from Adelphi University report that "'Being yourself' dating behavior is more attractive than game-playing," and that "authenticity is associated with positive relationship outcomes."
How many times have you had a first date with someone who seemed so laid back you found them compelling, only to learn down the line they're as wound up as they come and exhausting to be with? Or how about the time when you met someone who said they weren’t intimidated by your success, but then turned out to be exactly that?
How can you start a relationship with someone who isn’t who they present themselves to be? You can’t!
If you can’t be yourself, the person you're sitting across from will fall for someone who isn’t real. And how long do you think it will last?
3. They look for chemistry, but don't over-prioritize it
If you've ever dated using apps, you've probably gotten to know someone online whom you're excited to meet, but when you finally do, there's no chemistry. Everyone tells you to go on another date, just to see if things are better the second time — and sometimes they are. But more often than not, they aren’t.
Attraction is a very important part of a first date. You don’t know exactly why chemistry exists between people, but it does and it’s an essential part of keeping a relationship healthy.
If you find it doesn’t exist on the first date, you might find your healthy relationship might not ever get beyond the starting gate. After all, what we initially consider to be attraction is often an over-simplification of a complex process, according to researchers Charles Chu and Brian S. Lowry. "We argue that believing people have an underlying essence allows us to assume or infer that when we see someone who shares a single characteristic, they must share my entire deeply rooted essence, as well," Dr. Chu told a Boston University research publication.
The opposite can be true, too. I remember when I met my now-husband. A friend shared his picture with me, but I wasn’t interested because he had a mustache. When I did meet him, the chemistry between us was huge, despite the mustache. We were only friends for a while before we dated, but the chemistry was there from the start.
So, if the chemistry isn’t there for you at all on the first date, consider a second date. Be certain you aren't focusing on a single characteristic that does or does not make you compatible and look for something deeper.
If, after you've given them a chance and kept yourself from over-simplifying what makes people compatible, you aren't feeling any attraction, let the connection go.
4. They look for emotional and intellectual connection most of all
Yes, chemistry is an amazing thing, and it feels good, but it’s not the only thing important to have on a first date. It's also important to have a connection.
I remember a date I had with a guy. We met for ice cream at Riverside Park in NYC. I was immediately attracted to him, and he to me.
We spent a few hours together, and at the end, he pointed out we hadn't agreed on anything we talked about. I felt more like we were sparring over issues in a good-natured way. But the truth was we didn’t agree on anything.
Even if the attraction is there, do your personalities, interests, and beliefs match? Could you see yourself bringing this person home to your family? To meet your friends? While "opposites attract" can be true, your core values systems should be in alignment.
Connection is a huge reason why healthy relationships start on the first date. Without it, you'll struggle to be happy right from the beginning.
5. They watch out for red flags and trust their gut
Ah yes. Red flags. They're are almost always there and you may usually ignore them, in spite of your instincts.
You know what I mean — the things you see in someone pretty darn quickly give you pause to wonder what it says about this person.
Usually, you just gloss over the moment, thinking it’s not a big deal, and even if it is, you can probably change it, anyway.
If you see any red flags on your first date, make a note of them. Don’t ignore them. You can proceed with a second date, should you choose, but keep those flags front and center in your mind as you move forward.
It’s funny to think healthy relationships start on the first date.
You may usually consider first dates to just be an easy, fun thing, and they should be, but they're also great indicators of what a healthy relationship might look like going forward.
On your next first date, make sure you're being honest and being yourself. Make sure you feel like there is an honest attraction and connection, and don’t ignore any red flags that might pop up along the way!
First dates are fun, but wouldn’t it be nice to have your next first date be your last? It might be if you bring your authentic self to the table and are, in turn, met in kind.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in MSN, Prevention, and Psych Central.
