7 Sweet Things Husbands Do When They Want Their Wives To Feel Special
Make sure she'd say 'yes' to marrying you again and again.
dekazigzag via Shutterstock If you are like many men, you might want to make sure your wife feels special. Good for you! Unfortunately, it's not always easy to know where to start.
Luckily, making your wife feel special isn’t as hard as you might think it might be. What women want more than anything is for their partner to make them feel loved and it doesn't take much. In fact, you already know how to do pretty much all of this. The question is, will you commit to doing them regularly?
Seven things husbands do when they want their wives to feel special
1. They tell her she looks beautiful regularly
Your wife might know you think she is beautiful but she wants to hear it from you. Unfortunately, after many years of marriage, spouses stop noticing each other. As a result, they stop expressing appreciation for their spouse's looks. While this might seem superficial, it is important and probably one piece of why she fell in love with you — your appreciation of her.
So, tell your wife she looks beautiful. You don’t need to wait until she is dressed up, any occasion will work. She might be suspicious at first if you haven’t done it for a while, but be sincere and you will make her feel good.
2. They stop and listen to her
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Do you think you always listen to what your wife says and if you stop what you are doing you she speaks will waste time because you can do two things at once? I get it but, I am afraid I have bad news for you most people have a hard time doing two things at once, as suggested by an article in American Scientist.
As a result, if they aren’t fully listening to what their wives are trying to tell them, it won’t sink in.
You must listen to your wife about things, large and small. If she wants to talk to you about carpooling, stop and listen. If she wants to talk to you about Christmas, stop and listen. If she wants to talk about how she is feeling, stop and listen.
If you stop and listen to your wife, there are two reasons she will feel special. The first is you will truly hear what she is saying and, therefore, she won’t have to say it again down the road. The second is she can trust you to believe what she is saying is important to you.
If a woman knows someone is half listening to her, she feels disrespected and less than worthy. A meta-analysis in Systematic Reviews showed that knowing you are giving her your full attention will make her feel loved and appreciated.
3. They surprise her with something she likes, but not an activity
Men often have the best of intentions when it comes to making their wives feel special, and sometimes they just fall short.
Many of my clients tell me they try to make plans with their wives but their wives don’t appreciate their efforts and tell them so. While they might appreciate the effort, the inappropriate choice of activity often leads the wives to believe their husbands don’t truly know who they are.
When a man plans a night out to an action movie, a romantic movie lover will feel unseen. When a man plans a weekend away to a golf tournament, a wife who doesn’t play or enjoy golf will feel unimportant. When a man buys her lingerie not recognizing she is struggling with body issues at the moment, she will be devastated.
If you want to do something special for your wife, make sure to plan something she will like and not something for you.
4. They communicate using her love language
Understanding love languages can change your relationship with your wife and you will truly make her feel special.
We tend to do things for other people we want done unto us and hope to make them feel loved. Unfortunately, not everyone needs the same thing to feel loved and, therefore, the efforts backfire. If you can understand someone’s love language, you can understand what will make them feel loved.
According to Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages:
- Physical touch: being touched in a romantic way
- Words of affirmation: being told how someone feels
- Gift giving: receiving a gift
- Acts of service: taking action by doing a service
- Quality time: spending time together
If your wife’s love language is quality time and you take the garbage out for her on Saturday morning before you head off for a day of golf, she won’t feel loved. Instead, take the garbage out, but then spend the rest of the morning with her and play a half day of golf. This will make your wife feel important and loved.
5. They take an interest in the things she loves, or try something new together
Many couples who have been married for a long time tend to focus on their hobbies and no longer do things together. As a result, the time they spend together doesn't necessarily make their hearts sing and doesn’t foster connection.
An excellent way to make your wife feel special is to take an interest in what she likes to do. I am not saying you need to take up needlework or go to yoga (unless you want to) but be willing to share in some of the things she enjoys doing.
A study in the Leisure Sciences Journal helped explain how an excellent way to feel connected to your spouse is by taking up an activity neither of you does, something you can learn together. Perhaps it's going for day hikes, taking ballroom dancing lessons, playing tennis, or golf, or learning how to sail or ski.
Something that will give you time together, time you aren't focused on chores and kids and work. This will make your wife feel special in a big way.
6. They rub her feet or her back
Many couples who have been married for a long time have stopped touching each other. Sure, there might be weekly married people intimacy, but in between, physical intimacy is minimal. As a result, couples can grow disconnected, especially if there are any issues around their intimate lives.
If you want to make your wife feel loved, reach out to rub her feet when you are watching TV. If she is at her computer, stop and rub her shoulders. Give her a hug from behind when she is doing the dishes. By touching your wife you are telling her you see her, you love her, and you want to feel connected to her, as evidenced by an overview of research in Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews.
Of course, your wife might not want to be touched or might suspect something if you start touching her after not for a while. So, ask your wife before you touch her. See if she would like a foot rub or a shoulder massage. I am guessing she will say yes, but do ask for permission first. You don’t want to set yourself back by touching her in a way she doesn’t want to be touched.
7. They make sure she knows she is a priority
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When you and your wife were falling in love, did you put each other first? Did you choose to choose each other before anything else? Were you willing to get out of work early to do something special? Did you put each other’s wants and needs above the other’s?
Now you have been married a while, where does your wife fall on your priority list? Is she even close to number one?
Perhaps you justify that if you don’t work late, your family won’t have the money it needs. Perhaps you justify bowling with your friends instead of hanging out with her will make you happier and therefore she will be happier. Perhaps when your mother insists on Sunday dinners and you don’t push back when your wife doesn’t want to do it, you do it because you feel like your mother should be the priority.
Whatever it is you choose to do over spending time with your wife is something to consider as you embark on trying to make her feel special. Of course, no one can be someone’s number one priority all of the time but, in my experience as a coach, my female clients feel like they just aren’t important to their husbands, and makes them feel unloved.
I hope these seven ways to make your wife feel special are helpful
If you are feeling a little bit overwhelmed, it’s ok. Taking action to do things differently can cause anxiety and fear. Just take it one item at a time. You don’t have to do them all at once. Try one thing on your list and see how it makes your wife feel. If it works, you might find you are eager to do another. And if it doesn’t work, don’t give up! Just try another thing on your list.
You can do this! After all, you made her feel special once, enough so she fell in love with you!
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in MSN, Prevention, and Psych Central.