I Attribute The Success Of Our 50-Year Marriage To 3 Skills Slowly Disappearing With Younger Generations
Building a bond built to last comes down to three marital capabilities.
Courtesy Of Author Throughout our nearly five decades together, the days often passed slowly. But those first 49 years of marriage sure flew by. We’re often asked, “What’s your secret? How can we do that, too?”
Last month, we celebrated the 49th anniversary of that first fiery kiss that fused us forever. As we progress through our 50th year of marriage, we can’t help but look back at the last half-century with wonder and joy.
Our daughters are in their 40s, both with kids of their own. We traveled. RV trips crisscrossed the US. Plus, we made it to France and Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, Belgium, the Netherlands, England and Ireland.
The challenges were handled, too. Weddings as well as funerals, losing some dear friends, family, parents, and facing health concerns. We’ve achieved all life’s regular milestones together — education, careers, marriage, parenthood, retirement — what remains is the bucket list and the precious minutiae of daily life.
I share the advice below, written to my husband in 2001 for our 25th wedding anniversary, because back in those olden days, at the turn of the 21st century, social media didn't exist, and because now the internet is immortal and never forgets.
Here are three skills I attribute to the success of our 50-year marriage that are slowly disappearing:
1. Plan for one marriage — made to last
We've adventured over 25 years together on planes and trains and ships and buses, as well as in one motorhome, two pop-up campers, four tents, four vans, nine family automobiles, including one leaky T-Top Cutlass Supreme, and one Durango Copper Pearl Mid Life Crisis Dream Machine.
We’ve been everywhere from the Space Center to Santa Maria, Santa Barbara, Santa Margarita, San Luis to San Simeon to San Francisco, Seattle to Santa Fe to Silverton to Salt Lake City to St. Louis to Salem, Custer to Canada to Cincinnati to Chadwick, Cozumel, Costa Rica, and Key West.
The early years — kids and school and so much more. We've raised two kids, four dogs, eight cats, some kittens, some goldfish, six hamsters, two cockatiels. We've battled lice, ticks, termites, fleas, roaches, rats, snakes, spiders, scorpions, viruses and bacteria galore.
We juggled our careers between piano, voice, violin, baton, dance, acting, swimming, and horseback riding lessons. Oh, and Girl Scouts and Brownies and ball practice and swim meets and parades, appointments, summer camps, and science projects, as well as the routine house chores, shopping, cooking, laundry, and yard work.
We've clapped endlessly through orchestra, chorus, piano, and dance recitals, swim meets, softball games, award ceremonies, plays, musicals, and science fairs. We’ve wheeled and dealed with teachers, administrators, principals, counselors, doctors, dentists, nurses, county, state, and federal bureaucrats of all kinds.
We've dwelled together in one apartment, one duplex, one timeshare, three condos, three houses, and six eternally long nights in the Wuesthoff Pediatric Ward. We dabbled with rental property and a lot full of citrus trees that we did not build our dream home on.
2. Make the world your playground
Oneinchpunch va Shutterstock
We've camped without electricity or running water and languished at the Trump Plaza — all in the same week. We've luxuriated at the finest hotels atop Las Vegas and San Francisco and feared bedbugs from the Friendship Motel. And we've bobbed on the Emerald Seas, the Tropicale, the Fantasy, and the Jubilee.
We've gazed at the campfire and starlight in Yosemite, the Redwoods, the Rockies, the Smokies, Lake Tahoe, Burne Caverns, the Grand Canyon, the Black Hills, Avalon, Hidden Valley, and Cypress Cove. We’ve roasted at Niagara Falls and frozen in Valencia.
We've weathered hurricanes (and “himicanes”), lightning strikes, fires, and floods. We've navigated through panic attacks, depression, cerebral palsy, impacted wisdom teeth, heart problems, menopause, scoliosis, staph infections, surgeries, pneumonia, chicken pox, car accidents, and illnesses with no name. But there’s been no famine. I've created fantastic feasts, marvelous meals, salty suppers, funky fare, breakfast buffets, spicy spreads, sweet smorgasbords, and simple snacks.
3. Appreciate the simple joy of family
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
All the while, you fixed faucets and fans and furniture and Fords and fuel filters and five million other things on the list! We've remodeled and redone and painted and nailed and sawed and stripped and sanded and stained.
There have been so many Diamond Days. The birthdates of our babies, Ventana Big Sur (twice!), Hayes, Kansas, and a stand of Pines in California.
And some of those wild and magical days, nights, and weekends. You know which ones I mean.
And so many holidays and parties! My Yuletide lasagna, Halloween Horrors and Humors, Easter feasts, Valentine’s romance, birthday bashes, barbecues and picnics for the 4th of July and Labor Day and Memorial Day, and Ding Dongs and So Longs, and now this: Our Very First Anniversary Party.
Then there’s been all the little carnivals, the county fairs, the state fairs, the Renaissance faires, Disneyland, Disney World, Sea World, Busch Gardens, Cypress Gardens, Silver Springs, Salt Springs, Juniper Springs, Blue Springs, Wild Waters, Wet & Wild, Six Flags, Magic Mountain, Williamsburg, Monticello, Biltmore, Hearst Castle. Summer by the Sea, winter in Tahoe, spring in the desert, autumn everywhere!
And our life’s work has enriched us beyond money. We’re a part of American history, from Apollo Saturn 5 to Columbia's first flight and Challenger's last.
People long for “the formula.” They yearn for “the magic potion.” As a relationship coach for 20-plus years and a wife for nearly five decades, I can recommend only this:
- Prioritize each other
- Be open-minded
- Stay flexible
- Kiss (and more!) whenever possible
- Disagree and argue (fairly!) when necessary
- Forgive one another
- Have fun and laugh together every single day
Marriage is work ... but such fun, worthwhile work.
Melodie Tucker is an internationally known Mars Venus Success Coach and instructor, guiding people to discover what it is they want out of life — and then helping them figure out how to get it.