3 Divorce-Proof Qualities Most Boomers Have In Their Marriages That Younger Generations Lack
Put some of these Boomer lessons to use in your own marriage.
Brothers91 | Canva Do you have what it takes to create a successful marriage? I've identified three major marriage deal breakers that might damper your best efforts to stay married.
I propose that emotional immaturity, selfishness, and a desire for instant gratification are three of the most common reasons why marriages fail. These behaviors, combined with the attitude of "if it does not work out, we will just go our separate ways," contribute to a high divorce rate.
Here are 3 divorce-proof qualities most boomers have in their marriages that younger generations lack:
1. Emotional maturity
Some people never attain emotional maturity, no matter how many years they live. However, research from 2012 states that people typically become more emotionally mature as they age.
Some live by the maxim, "I may grow old, but I refuse to grow up." When printed on a T-shirt, this is humorous, but when people take this attitude into their marriages, they set themselves and their relationships up for misery. This doesn't mean you must be serious all the time; it just means you cannot allow your emotions to rule you and affect your behavior toward your spouse.
2. Selflessness
Mikhail Nilov / Pexels
Psst! Being self-centered is not the same as taking care of yourself. You must care for yourself if you are fully present for your loved ones. Being selfish is all about the "me first" attitude. "My needs are more important than yours" is the rallying cry of the self-centered person.
These people tend to criticize and blame rather than examine their behavior. A self-centered person sees nothing wrong with manipulating their spouse to get their way, and they think nothing of putting their family in danger by drinking and driving.
3. Delayed gratification
"I want it in 30 seconds, and I want it hot, tasty, and inexpensive." Since the advent of fast food, we seem to have become an instant gratification society. One study from 2015 indicates that instant gratification has made people more impulsive in their decision-making.
Some people complain about their marriage if everything is not perfect and to their liking. They think of their marriage as fast food, not fine dining. It becomes a disposable commodity instead of something to treasure and enjoy.
Marriage requires maintenance to be successful. It requires extra work if you engage in these damaging behaviors.
The good news is that you, too, can create a happier marriage if you are willing to begin with yourself. You can do it if you are willing to put in the time and energy to help your marriage become strong. And you don't have to do it alone. Relationship coaching or marriage counseling can help you create the happy and healthy marriage you've always wanted.
Michelle E Vasquez, LPC, MS, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and author of Creating Happily Ever After: A Marriage Manual for What to Do After the Honeymoon is Over.