The 3 Small Gestures That Quietly Boost A Man’s Confidence, According To Experts
The things men need to feel seen in their relationships.
Susie Burleson | Unsplash A recent survey by the Priory Group, an independent mental healthcare provider in the United Kingdom, asked 1,000 men to identify the biggest pressures in their lives, how they believed those pressures influenced their mental health, and whether they ever spoke with someone about their emotional health. Considering that in the United States, men are four times more likely to take their own lives than women, the results of the Priory survey were not a big surprise. More than three-quarters (77 percent) of the survey participants acknowledged experiencing symptoms of anxiety, depression, and other mental health-related conditions.
Meanwhile, 40 percent of those who admitted to mental health challenges said they had never spoken to anyone about it. This is clearly not the healthiest approach to mental health management. If someone doesn't discuss their emotional baggage, the people around them are likely to assume that everything is okay. But not every emotional health challenge requires years of therapy. Sometimes, all a man needs is a reminder that others see the best in him and value his existence.
In marriage and long-term relationships, a man might — rightly or wrongly — derive much of his sense of self-worth from how his partner perceives him. In this sense, women can play an instrumental role in preserving men's confidence and self-esteem. We asked a panel of YourTango Experts to share their insight into how a woman might, with the right combination of gestures and words, help boost a man's confidence in himself and his place in the world. It's a small but important step toward helping men crash through the tough-guy stereotype and focus on their mental health.
The 3 small gestures that quietly boost a man’s confidence, according to experts:
1. Be present, listen, and validate his feelings
Ultimately, self-esteem is an inside job. However, most men struggle with insecurity to some extent, and women can do small, basic things to help.
All men (not just your romantic partner):
- Look them straight in the eyes when they are talking and listen.
- Ask them questions that get to the facts to inquire how they are feeling.
- Allow them to feel however they want with compassion, not criticism.
- When they say something you think is smart, let them know.
- Laugh at their jokes.
- Let them know you don’t blame them personally for global misogyny.
For your romantic partner:
- Tell him what personality trait you find most attractive about him (especially if you have been together for a while).
- Tell him about those unexpected moments when you think he looks hot (after a workout, in the shower, dressed for work).
- Laugh with him about the things about him that drive you crazy.
- Ask him out on a date you know he will like.
- Tell him how proud you are of him and that you are his partner.
- Take seriously events in his life that are important to him, even if they don’t interest you.
- Cuddle with him at night.
—Tom Matlack, writer, speaker, and men's health advocate
2. Show appreciation for his efforts and character
Mladen Mitrinovic / Shutterstock
I believe that men just want women to acknowledge them in positive ways. Sometimes this is as simple as holding your tongue when they make a mistake. At other times, I think it's as simple as just telling them the truth about how thankful you are that they are in your life.
I think that, as women, we sometimes forget that men also need acknowledgment. I think we sometimes take our men for granted, and yet, the truth is, our lives are richer for having them in them.
—Mimi Whittaker, intuitive life coach
3. Give him sincere, specific compliments
I believe heartfelt compliments are a strong confidence booster. Sincere and specific compliments can have a profound impact on a man's confidence. Regardless of whether it's their appearance, achievements, skills, or personality traits, letting them know what you admire and appreciate about them can have a profoundly positive impact on their self-esteem.
—Clare Waismann M-RAS/SUDCC II, founder, Waismann Method Rapid Detox and Domus Retreat
Carter Gaddis is a writer and editor who spent 24 years as an award-winning sportswriter for newspapers in Florida and for various online publications, including ESPN, Parenting Magazine, and the St. Petersburg Times.
