5 Small Behaviors Of Couples Who Stay In Love The Longest, According To Psychology
Extend the lifetime of bliss.
Arina Krasnikova | Pexels As a society, we expect to fall madly in love and have a successful relationship. We want to hear trumpets and whistles, feel butterflies in our stomachs, and hear birds singing in our souls. This is how we know if someone is "the one."
I always preach we have to make more conscious choices when it comes to relationships and marriage. We have to address things like monogamy and other long-term and short-term goals. We must have discussions, as difficult as they may be, about our needs and recognize we change and grow even after we've committed ourselves to one person for the rest of our lives.
Relationships work through communication, coming back from broken agreements and breaches of trust, communicating our wants and needs, and maintaining attractiveness to our partners.
The five behaviors of couples who stay in love the longest, according to psychology.
1. They don't rush the next step.
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We are always in such a hurry to control the outcome of our desires, whether it be physical intimacy, going steady, saying "I love you," moving in together, marriage, babies, or whatever. We are so eager to get to the next step we often lose sight of ourselves.
We lose touch with our friends, work, family, interests, and hobbies. So, slow it down. Let things unravel in their own time. If a relationship takes one year or five years to materialize, so be it. What is the rush? Research in the Handbook of Communication and Social Interaction Skills shows how romantic relationships involve unique functional tasks, and those tasks take time.
Note: If you are in a rush for something such as a biological clock or other arbitrary societal measure, you are more likely to run into problems
2. They speak up for their needs
This is key because it sets the tone for the relationship for years and years to come. This means saying you need a night off or a few days off to take care of yourself. A longitudinal study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology explains the importance of emotional expression whether it is having alone time, keeping up with your work, friends, family, or hobbies, speak up for it.
Even if you think you don’t want it or need it. Don’t neglect yourself for the sake of the relationship or the sake of love.
3. They cultivate their other close relationships in life
A study led by Angela Caron demonstrates the importance of various close relationships so don’t forget your friends. Don’t forget your family. Don’t forget your work. Don’t forget your hobbies.
In the early days of blissful lust and romance, it’s easy to become all consumed by your new lover. It may seem like a wonderful idea to spend every waking moment with them and neglect all the things you used to do.
Even if you'd rather spend the evening basking in your love glow, accept that invitation to go to a concert with a friend, go to that party with your pals, and leave the newfound lover to their own devices.
Do some extra work like you used to. Keep your Saturday surfing plans with your surfing group. Just because you are now blissfully in love does not mean you two are joined at the hip. Keeping up with you is going to be key.
4. They spend time alone
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Go to the gym alone. Go to the movies alone. Do all the things you did as a single person, not always like before, but once in a while.
Don’t invite your new lover to do everything with you. I know you didn't like doing it alone before, but guess what, this alone time is key to understanding yourself, nourishing yourself, and setting the tone for long-term healthy relationship patterns into the future as suggested by research studying the effect of self in adult attachment.
5. They know how to say no
Learn to say no. If you're partner is the one always inviting you along or wanting to tag along, say no, even if you think you want them to join you or if you don’t mind.
Getting into a bad habit of saying yes is akin to neglecting your needs. It might seem like a small thing now, but in the long run, it will help maintain your independence and autonomy within a connected relationship.
In the end, Lynn Jamieson's exploration of the boundaries of intimacy shows how we need to be connected to our partners while also maintaining ourselves. If one plus one equals two, that is better than two halves equaling one.
Maintaining your autonomy and independence will empower you as an individual, keep you strong, maintain your identity, and keep the passion, intimacy, and attraction alive for years to come.
Moushumi Ghose, MFT, is a licensed therapist and author whose passion is around advocacy and change by breaking down barriers for better relationships.