If You Can Perfect These 8 Skills, You'll Always Be The Woman He Chooses Romantically
How to move forward with a guy who seems to see you as only a friend.
JD Mason | Unsplash You’re hopeful about your latest crush. You can spend hours texting back and forth, hanging out, and you have so much in common, but the relationship never seems to go anywhere. It's likely you've been designated as "friends only" — but don't worry, there are ways you can raise the odds of him choosing you, romantically.
Eight skills that set you up to be the woman he chooses
1. Lean back and let him lead
Don’t initiate, lean back and see if he pursues you. This doesn’t mean you have to follow his lead. You have the power to redirect and see if he steps up. A man who isn’t leading will disappear if you aren’t constantly reaching out to him. Let him go. He isn’t available for a relationship.
2. Stop twisting into a pretzel
If you’re looking for clues to figure out how you can get a guy to reciprocate your feelings of desire you’re essentially trying to earn someone’s love. This is a bad strategy that doesn’t serve your goal of lasting love with an ideal partner. Instead, simply show up authentically and let the chips fall where they may. Better to find out at the start that the two of you are not a long-term match.
3. Don’t easily invest your heart
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Don’t give the benefit of the doubt to a stranger. A guy needs to earn your love and trust, so don’t commit your heart until you know his intentions. Once he’s proven himself over time with his actions, you can evaluate if the two of you are a good match long-term. Stay in the present and don’t dress him up in groom’s clothing.
4. Don’t look for subtle signs
Relationship-minded men are not subtle. If he’s serious about you he’ll move the relationship forward and ask to go exclusive. If you find yourself trying to interpret what he really means, you’re assigning meaning without facts.
Stop being an interpreter and let his actions speak for his intentions. If he’s keeping things in the gray and not sharing his future plans with you then he doesn’t see you in his future as suggested by a study in Psychology of Women Quarterly.. You don’t want to be friend-zoned again!
5. Don’t give to get
Don’t expect a man to reciprocate. If you’re doing things expecting to win him over, you have an unspoken expectation that he will do the same for you. This strategy will lead you to disappointment and heartache. Plus, if you’re attempting to win him over you’re energetically in the masculine role. This is not the way to man’s heart.
6. Date several people at once
Keep your options open and pay attention to who steps up to pursue you. Don’t turn off your dating profile as soon as you start crushing on some guy. Instead, commit to slow love. Just like soup or stew, you can’t rush it. Put off exclusivity until he proves worthy of your heart.
7. Speak up & make requests
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One surefire way to never be friend-zoned again is to avoid going along to get along. Speak up and make requests. If he’s only asking you out last minute to tag along, let him know you prefer to be asked out in advance. Don’t be so accommodating and don’t avoid speaking your mind to be agreeable as supported by a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Sharing your life with someone will require that you know how to navigate through your differences. Find out as soon as possible if you two can get back on the same page.
8. Don’t settle
You deserve to be with someone who is as crazy about you as you are about him. Don’t invest your heart in a guy who hasn’t made his intentions known. Never make someone a priority who treats you as an option. You deserve more than the crumbs so don’t settle for anything less than your heart’s desire!
Friendship is not a consolation prize
Crushing on a guy who has friend-zoned you can waste a lot of your time. You’ll be waiting in limbo and miss out on some great opportunities for love. Create a vision for love and then look for the man who fits your vision through the dating process.
Rather than risking your heart at the start, take things slowly so you can find out how he treats you over time. What happens when there’s a miscommunication, or when you make a request or redirect, or ask him to take things slow? Sharing your life with someone is the biggest decision you’ll make in life. Don’t treat it like buying a lottery ticket!
Orna and Matthew Walters are dating coaches, the founders of Creating Love On Purpose, which takes a holistic approach to transforming hidden blocks into love, and the authors of Getting It Right This Time.
