11 Subtle Signs You're Unofficially Dating, Even If You Haven't Put A Title On Things
If you resonate with these signs, it may be time to upgrade your relationship status.
warrengoldswain | Canva A situationship means you’re spending time together romantically or intimately but have not yet defined the relationship or made it official. Being stuck in this non-relationship state is not the way to grow the long-term relationship you want.
The signs for when to talk about the relationship's status, and if there’s a future for you together, can be difficult to recognize and more challenging to act on without seeming pushy. Yet a conversation is necessary if you ever want to move forward and become something more than a fling. If you find yourself stuck in a pesky situationship look for these signs that you are unofficially dating.
Here are 11 signs you're unofficially dating, even if you haven't put a title on things:
1. You’re planning future dates
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One clear sign you are unofficially dating is when you regularly make plans for the future. Whether it’s a concert weeks away or a trip together, making plans for the future is a huge sign that your situationship is becoming a relationship.
If your calendar is booked with your new guy weeks in advance, it’s time for the two of you to admit you both want more. However, if you’re not talking about or planning future dates and instead are just getting together when it’s convenient, then it’s still casual. Nothing to see here.
2. You’ve introduced each other to friends or family (or both!)
An apparent sign you are unofficially dating is when you’ve met his friends and family, and you’ve introduced him to yours. If this is the case, it’s time to spill the beans and admit your feelings for one another.
If the relationship is kept secret from important people in your life, then you’re in a grey undefined situationship. Not including other people in your time together means there’s no level of commitment — even unspoken. An integral part of a budding relationship is meeting one another’s friends and family.
3. You’ve made it through your first conflict
Disagreements and conflict are inevitable in every relationship. Being able to navigate through a bump in the road and create a deeper connection is key to lasting love. If you’ve had a disagreement and found your way to the other side, then it is a good sign you are unofficially dating.
Research suggests that conflict avoidance is far more damaging to a relationship than an argument. If you both avoid the uncomfortable reconciliation after a conflict, you’ll never create an emotional bond. You’ll excuse bad behavior, and your relationship will always lack trust and commitment.
4. You’re in it for more than physicality
It’s easy to have great physical intimacy with someone who isn’t a good match for you. If you spend a fair amount of time together that isn’t about hooking up, there’s a good chance there’s more than just mutual lust going on.
The classic sign of a situationship is getting together only for physical intimacy. There’s nothing more going on here than pure animal attraction. No one will fall in love with you because you’re great in the sack. It may be fun at first, but it’s not going to be satisfying long term.
5. You’re each other’s plus one
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An obvious sign you are unofficially dating is counting on being each other’s plus one. Whether it’s a wedding, a dinner party, or any celebration that requires an RSVP, you’re willing to be seen at significant events together.
However, if you’re going solo when your sister gets married, then your situation isn’t ready for the next step. You’re free to play the field at the reception.
6. You’re comfortable with emotional intimacy
A 2019 study found that emotional intimacy is a fundamental component of healthy relationships. It's also an evident sign that you are unofficially dating.
No one spills their guts to a stranger, so when you both are emotionally vulnerable and are willing to share your innermost thoughts and feelings then, whether you admit it or not, you are unofficially dating.
If you’re both still guarded and monitoring the topics you discuss, then you’re not ready to make things official. Keep your Bumble profile active.
7. You’re talking/texting daily
When you’re talking daily and sharing your ups and downs, then maybe it’s time to make things official. You wake up to a good morning text and a sweet goodnight at the end of the day, it sure looks like the two of you are unofficially dating.
If you only talk or text to confirm your next date or hookup, then your connection probably isn’t that strong. This situationship doesn’t have much growth potential.
8. You’ve left some belongings at each other’s homes
Whether it’s a toothbrush or an extra sweater because it might get cold, leaving your things at his place or vice versa is a sign you are unofficially dating. You’re comfortable enough with each other to not worry you’ll lose your favorite sleep shirt.
Sneaking out in the early morning so you can rush home and brush and shower before work probably means you’re still just hooking up. Probably best to keep this one to yourself.
9. You can count on each other
Maybe he’s rescued you from a flat tire or you’ve helped him pick out the perfect shirt to match his eyes. You can count on each other and go out of your way to be supportive. This sweet sign you are unofficially dating brings a smile to your face.
If he’s the last person you’d call in an emergency, then don’t invest your heart. You don’t know each other well enough to ask for a ride to the airport.
10. You’re sharing inside jokes
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When you both find yourselves giggling at the same things, and you share knowing looks between you when you’re out in a group, you are unofficially dating. You’ve crossed over to having a secret language unique to romantic couples (and best friends) — the inside joke.
If you’re having this much fun together, it’s time to take the next step and make it official. You’re dating, just admit it.
11. Neither of you is interested in seeing anyone else
Look, if the two of have taken down your profiles and aren’t interested in seeing anyone else, then what are you waiting for? This is an apparent sign you are unofficially dating and it’s time to make things official already!
Taking the next step can feel a little uncomfortable and scary. Love requires you to take a risk, so maybe it’s time to risk your heart and turn your situationship into a budding relationship.
Eventually, you'll have to have a formal talk about where the relationship is going
When you see enough signs you are unofficially dating and it’s clear you want to make your relationship official, then it’s time to have the talk. You don’t gain anything by keeping your situation murky and vague.
If your situationship has grown into something more, you’ll want to know if he feels the same way. Let him know how you’re feeling and share what’s important to you. Let him know what you desire and you’re looking for a man who shares the same vision.
He won’t necessarily pick up your subtle hints so don’t be coy. Be clear about who you are and what you want and most importantly leave space for him to either see his future with you or be willing to set you free.
You’ve got to be ready to move on if he wants to leave things in the gray. If he doesn’t share your feelings, you don’t want to waste your time hoping someday he’ll come around. The truth is that he may never be ready.
Orna and Matthew Walters are dating coaches and founders of Creating Love On Purpose with a holistic approach to transforming hidden blocks to love, and the authors of Getting It Right This Time.