10 Signs You Chose The Right Person & It's Time To Level Up The Relationship
Why 70% is better than 100% every single time.
ASIFE | Canva We have been conditioned to believe we will know when we find "the one", imagining the relationship will be smooth sailing, with butterflies and endless joy. However, reality is much more complex and a little less glamorous. Figuring out whether we've found a relationship worth leveling up can be tricky, but it's well worth the effort.
With each relationship, we accumulate traits we like and dislike in a partner, and this data sticks with us. Our preferences start to resemble an invisible spreadsheet — overloaded with expectations and comparisons. But this type of thinking can be a trap.
The best-case scenario is finding a partner who consistently meets about 70% of your needs. Some days, they may hit 100%, and you feel on top of the world. On other days, they might hover closer to 5% because, guess what — they’re human! So, when you meet that 70% person and see some of the signs below, it might be time to consider leveling up with them.
10 signs you chose the right person & it's time to level up the relationship
1. You’ve stopped fishing for other options
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You might still wonder if there is someone who checks all the boxes, yet the drive to actively search has eased. Maybe you canceled that weekly trip to meet new people or stopped swiping with the same intensity. You are not as caught up in the hunt, and that is a sign something more meaningful is taking root.
2. You accept their flaws — and they accept yours
No one is perfect. Maybe they’re a little messy, or they can’t tell a joke to save their life. You’ve learned to love them, imperfections and all., and they’ve done the same for you.
3. You feel safe, even when you’re triggered
Many people assume finding the right partner means never being triggered or upset. That’s simply not true. A good partner doesn’t eliminate your triggers, they create a space where you feel safe experiencing them.
Feeling safe doesn’t mean the trigger won’t be uncomfortable — it will still sting like a jolt of electricity. When you're triggered by someone you trust, it's like a brief electric shock, painful in the moment, but you know you'll recover, as demonstrated in a study on trauma, stress, and coping. It’s very different from getting wrapped up in a live powerline, where you're left flailing in danger.
Safety doesn’t erase the discomfort, but it assures you once the jolt subsides, you will be OK. You know neither of you is trying to harm the other, and that makes all the difference.
4. You’re not expecting a mind reader
If you are expecting your partner to anticipate your every need and emotion, you are setting them and yourself up for failure. Instead, you have learned to communicate openly, even when uncomfortable.
5. You make time for each other
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Relationships don’t thrive on autopilot. You have started scheduling romantic dates, planning new adventures together, and making time to explore your connection. This is a surefire sign you are ready to invest in your relationship's future.
6. You’ve had the uncomfortable conversations
If you have braved awkward, difficult conversations about money, sex, or plans, congratulations you are ready to level up. Communication isn’t always easy, but it’s essential for growth.
7. You don’t fear conflict (most of the time)
Everyone fears conflict to some degree, especially if they’ve experienced trauma, as supported by research on the nature of trauma. If you’ve come from a background where conflict led to hurt, your body’s natural response is to go into fight-or-flight mode. Increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and anxiety are all normal reactions when tension arises.
But here’s the key. While the physical and emotional responses may still happen, the difference is in how you process them. When you’re with the right person, you can logically recognize conflict isn’t a sign of doom. Even with the anxiety coursing through your veins, you know deep down the disagreement isn’t the end of the relationship.
You’ve learned conflict, handled with respect and understanding, is an opportunity for growth. It’s uncomfortable, but you trust both of you will come out stronger on the other side.
8. You understand love is a choice, not a feeling
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Here’s the kicker, love is not just something that happens to you. It is something you choose, day in and day out. You choose to nurture it, even when it’s hard, because you know it’s worth it.
9. You are willing to do the work
Love is work — yes, even the best relationships. If you are both committed to putting in the effort, from keeping the romance alive to supporting each other’s personal growth, you’re in the right place.
10. You can imagine a future together — without rose-colored glasses
When you look ahead, you don’t just see the good times. You see the challenges too, and you are ready to face them together. That’s a sign you’re not only in the right relationship but it’s time to take it to the next level.
The myth of "the perfect fish"
Memes have done us a disservice. They sold us on the idea finding the right person should be effortless. If it’s hard, it must be wrong. But sometimes, it’s two people with baggage learning how to love again. It’s not always easy. It’s uncomfortable and messy. And that’s OK.
If we keep throwing back perfectly good fish in hopes of catching some mythical creature that embodies the best traits of all our exes, we might end up alone. While being alone is perfectly fine for those who want it, for those who want a supportive partner, we need to recognize that real love requires work. And, as shown in as shown in a 2015 study, it requires acceptance.
The goal isn’t to find someone who never triggers us. It’s to find someone who we feel safe enough to be triggered by, who we trust enough to weather the storms together. This doesn’t mean you’ll always feel warm and fuzzy inside, but it means you have chosen someone worth the effort.
Realistic love is groundbreaking love
The most frustrating thing about modern dating is how quickly some people throw in the towel at the first sign of imperfection, while others stay in abusive, dead-end relationships for years and hope for a miracle. But there’s a middle ground. We can be realistic. We can choose to water the garden of our relationship, to grow and cultivate love over time.
Love isn’t something that just happens to you — it’s something you build, step by step, choice by choice. So, if you’ve found your 70%, it’s time to stop fishing and start leveling up.
Erika Jordan is an internationally acclaimed love and relationship expert, NLP practitioner, author, media personality, and a leader in the field of digital romance and online dating.