13 Signs Of A Troubled Relationship That Likely Has No Chance Of Improving, Backed By Research
If these signs sound familiar, it's time to abandon ship before you go down with it.
miss_ty | Canva You may be in a troubled relationship where even though you have a feeling the relationship is over, you stay, hoping that things will get better or even return to the happy dynamic it once was.
In some cases, things do get better. If you ask most people who have been in that situation, though, they'll tell you that there's little to no chance of improvement and oftentimes, the relationship only gets worse.
If you're in a troubled relationship that seems to be getting more uneven or more depressing every day, these signs might indicate that it's time to walk away. Things won't get better and aren't likely to improve if you're seeing these things happening.
Here are the signs of a troubled relationship that likely has no chance of improving:
1. You lowered your standards
Looking back, you realize that the person you used to be wouldn't tolerate half of the things you're currently putting up with. Back when you first started dating, you wouldn't hear of having your date rely on you for dinner money, or hearing how his mother talks about you.
But now, it's the norm. You can't help but look back and wonder what happened. Rather than wonder about it, it's time to put your foot down and find someone who won't treat you that way.
2. You let too many things slide
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You keep telling yourself it's temporary, but deep down, you know you don't believe it. This is because, deep down, you know he's been training you to tolerate his stuff and it won't get better. It's time to leave.
This scenario often falls under the umbrella of learned helplessness and classical conditioning. It highlights how repeated exposure to undesirable behavior can lead to a gradual acceptance and even normalization, making it less likely for someone to challenge or change the situation, even if it's harmful.
A study published in Contemporary Family Therapy showed that repeated exposure to aversive stimuli can decrease one's ability to recognize or react to negative experiences, which can be seen when one becomes accustomed to a partner's harmful behavior.
3. You feel no sense of urgency to work on the relationship
Any request you make to improve the relationship is met with stonewalling, deflection, blaming you, delaying, anger, or being told you're a nag.
All of these tactics are things people use when they don't want to put effort into a relationship. When they just don't want to bother, it's time to throw in the towel. You can't make a relationship work by itself.
4. The relationship is no longer a support system
If you look at your life, you notice that you could probably do it all on your own and get more emotional support from friends.
When you feel more alone in your relationship than you would feel single, it may be time to look elsewhere for love. It's no longer a partnership — it's turned into a parasitic situation.
5. You constantly make sacrifices for them, but they don't sacrifice anything
Once again, this is a clear sign that you're the only one who wants to make things work. It's time to walk.
While occasional sacrifices for a partner can benefit a relationship, consistently sacrificing for them can lead to negative consequences, such as resentment, decreased personal well-being, and potential power imbalances within the partnership.
Research published by Vanderbilt University showed that individuals who frequently sacrifice for their partners may experience higher levels of stress and lower levels of personal satisfaction. Open communication about needs and expectations within a relationship can help prevent unhealthy patterns of sacrifice.
6. Things only improve if you threaten to leave, or try to leave
Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Don't fall for their hysterical bonding. If you go back, it'll only get worse. Threatening to leave a relationship is generally considered a manipulative tactic that can temporarily improve behavior.
However, a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology concluded that it ultimately damages the relationship's foundation by eroding trust and creating an unhealthy dynamic. Thus, it is a poor long-term strategy for resolving issues. Threatening to leave can lead to a cycle of reactivity in which partners only change when threatened with abandonment rather than addressing underlying problems openly and constructively.
7. The bad behavior escalated
He used to only yell, but now he hits. He used to insult, but now he yells. He used to borrow politely, but now he demands. How much longer will it escalate until you realize you need to leave yesterday?
8. You resent your partner
Once resentment seeps into a relationship, it's DOA. It's done. Kaput. Resentment is a love killer, and it's not something most relationships recover from. If you resent him, let go of him.
Resenting a partner for attempting to improve their mistakes in a relationship can stem from several factors, including perceived criticism, lack of trust, insecurity, poor communication, and resistance to change. Feeling attacked or undermined by your partner's efforts to self-improve, even if they are intended to strengthen the relationship.
A study published in the Review of European Studies recommended fostering open and honest communication where both partners can express their concerns and feelings without fear of judgment.
9. You don't respect your partner
Once upon a time, you looked up to him or thought him an equal. Now? He's like dead weight.
If you can't respect your partner, there's no point in staying with him. He probably has already figured it out and is hurting from it.
10. You've lost your attraction to your partner
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Why are you still with him again? Attraction is what all relationships are meant for.
According to a 2022 PLoS One study, losing attraction to a partner can be significantly influenced by factors like the natural decline of novelty in a relationship, a lack of perceived mystery or separateness, taking the relationship for granted, significant life changes in one partner, poor communication about needs and desires, and a lack of effort to maintain intimacy and passion. This often stems from settling into a comfortable routine.
11. The people in your life have told you they're concerned
This is always a very bad sign, because most of the time, people don't want to start drama. If they're telling you to leave him, that's a very, very bad sign.
12. You feel bad just for asking your partner to pull their weight
Do you find yourself feeling like you're a bad person for asking him to pull his weight? If things are so lopsided that you feel like you're being unreasonable for wanting a mutual partnership, it's a relationship that is toxic to you. You deserve a partner, not a leech.
13. You fantasize about leaving your partner
Guess what? You can leave and you will be just as happy as your fantasies suggest. It won't be easy at first, but it's going to be worth it in the end.
To get what you want in the relationship, you have to practically drag him to it while he's kicking and screaming. No, this is not acceptable.
If it gets to this point, it's time to disengage from him and start looking for someone who will care about you. Why? Because it's clear he doesn't.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.