15 Frank Signs Someone's Not In A Relationship With You For The Right Reasons
Your relationship isn't as solid as you think it is.
KEEM IBARRA | Unsplash There are many reasons why someone may end up in a relationship that isn't based on love. It could be due to a need for good intimacy. It could be a need for convenience or a desire to have a placeholder relationship. It could be to uphold a certain image, or because one partner has more money than the other.
The problem with many relationships is that the love can be one-sided, and this often leads to "blindside" breakups. Thankfully, some signs reveal someone's not in a relationship with you for the right reasons, if you're being used by a partner, or if your partner is staying for reasons aside from you.
Here are frank signs someone's not in a relationship with you for the right reasons:
1. You feel like they're not physically attracted to you
Does your partner act like sleeping together is a chore? If so, that's not a good sign. In a relationship that involves love, there will be physical attraction. No intimacy means that he might not be attracted to you, or that his interest in you is waning.
2. You don't know much about their life
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A man who's really into a woman will talk to her about all the little things going on with him. He'll bemoan his annoying coworker. He'll talk about his mom. He'll even tell you about how he almost fell in the shower. If he's silent as a clam, he's not with you because he likes you.
Holistic dating coaches Orma and Mathew Waters explained the importance of communication and connection, "Whether the two of you can talk for hours or just sit comfortably in a room without speaking, you are on the same page about life. A deep and fulfilling partnership involves engaging with your partner on various physical, emotional, intellectual, and sometimes spiritual levels, with each layer contributing to a stronger bond and overall relationship fulfillment."
3. You put way more into the relationship than they do
Are you paying his bills, buying cars for him, and doing all the chores, too? If he's not pitching in half as much as you are, it's time to cut the cord. He's probably using you.
4. You don't think they are really happy
An American Psychological Association study showed this is the most common and often most obvious sign of a bad relationship. If he looks miserable, he's probably not happy being with you.
5. You hear them say they need space often
If he's increasingly growing apart from you, likely, he's likely only with you for financial or child-related reasons.
6. You feel like the relationship has an expiration date
If he stopped talking about long-term goals or if he's made it clear that he's going to walk after a certain point, he's not with you because he loves you anymore. He's with you until he can safely move on.
7. You noticed they stopped caring
Things that used to bother him don't anymore. He no longer asks for couples' counseling. He stopped caring when you rejected him. The only reason he's with you at this point is because he doesn't want to lose something you offer.
Psychotherapist Evie Shafner explained a major indication of a dead-end relationship is when "Your partner doesn't seem to want to fix problems. You seem to be the only one in the relationship who understands that you have to work on things, the only one who wants to bring conscious intentionality to your communication. It is so important to marry the right person!"
8. You feel like they're with you out of a sense of obligation
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Did you make it clear he needs to stay with you out of duty to your family? Honey, you should never guilt a man into staying with you. If it got this bad, it's best to let him go.
9. You know they're only staying for the kids
When a man tells you that he's only there for the kids, listen to him.
10. You feel like you live with a roommate, not a partner
This is often a sign that he's only with you because he's comfortable with the lifestyle you live. He may be already checked out.
11. You feel like a human ATM
Here's a hint: you're buying his love if he does this.
"Is the problem that you make more money, or is the problem you don’t have enough to pay for both of you (or that you don’t want to pay for both of you no matter how much you make)? For example, if you could double your income by spending the same amount of time working, would your partner’s low income still drive you nuts? Is it that you want a man who takes care of you in all ways (especially financially) or do you just want to feel like he’s contributing?" asked money coach Robyn Crane.
12. You hear other people pep-talking them into staying with you
Some guys actually will stay with a girl if they keep getting pressured to do so by their family members or friends. If this is the case, you'll usually be able to tell because the people pressuring him will have also spoken to you about it.
13. You get the feeling they are with you to keep up a certain image
I call this reason the "politician reason." Certain jobs require you to look like a family man, and you can't do that when you're flying solo.
14. Your conversations feel superficial
If all your conversations are small talk, then he probably doesn't feel comfortable revealing intimate details with you. That's a sign that he doesn't see you as a real relationship person anymore.
15. You see the relationship as toxic
Need we say anything else?
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.